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Rabbi John Rosove's Blog

Monthly Archives: August 2017

Why Forgive?

30 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Inuyim - Prayer reflections and ruminations

≈ 1 Comment

forgiveness-001

During the thirty days before Rosh Hashanah we Jews begin the process of returning (Teshuvah) to the people from whom we’ve become alienated, to the Jewish community, to Torah, to one’s own soul, to a balanced relationship with nature, and to God. Part of that journey requires the act forgiveness in all its dimensions. Forgiving those who have hurt us is not easy.

I’ve come to the conclusion that our forgiving others and forgiving ourselves for past wrongs means letting go of hurt, anger, resentment, jealousy, envy, and hate, and thereby becoming free. If we are successful, the ensuing relationship we develop with the “other” will necessarily be different than it was. In many cases, the change that takes place in us requires letting go not only of the toxic relationship that caused us so much pain and hardship but any future relationship with the “other.”

On Saturday night, September 16, the Jewish world enters into a midnight service called “Selichot” (“forgiveness”) when tradition teaches that the gates of heaven begin to open to receive our prayers and supplications. Selichot is the opening service of the High Holiday season and it occurs on Saturday night just before Rosh Hashanah. It is a powerful service if we take the need for forgiveness seriously.

I have compiled a list of quotations from world literature that offer wisdom and insight into the purpose and benefits of forgiveness. I present it to you as a gift.

“Forgiveness sets you free!” – Mother Teresa

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mohandas “Mahatma” Gandhi

“I can forgive, but I cannot forget” is only another way of saying, ‘I will not forgive.’ Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note — torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“A wise person will make haste to forgive, because s/he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.” – Samuel Johnson

“Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass.” – Confucius

“To forgive someone does not mean you excuse their behavior or that they were bad. To forgive means getting rid of your resentment, so that it does not complicate your own life.” – Rabbi Abraham J Twerski

“The primary aspect of forgiveness is not as an act of kindness toward the offender, but as a gift to oneself, to free one of the burdens of harboring resentment, which can have negative effects, both physically and emotionally.” – Rabbi Abraham J Twerski

“Forgiveness isn’t about pardoning the one who has hurt us. We simply decide to move on.” – Rabbi Edwin Goldberg

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, s/he becomes an adolescent; the day s/he forgives them, s/he becomes an adult; the day s/he forgives her/himself, s/he becomes wise.” – Alden Nowlan

“Ribono shel olam! I hereby forgive everyone who has angered or provoked me or sinned against me, whether against me physically, financially, or against my dignity, or against anything belonging to me, whether it was done under duress, or intentionally, or inadvertently or willfully, whether it was verbal, or by deed, or by thought, whether it was in this existence or in a previous existence, everyone, and may no person ever be punished because of me.” – Jewish bedtime prayer

L’shanah tovah!

BEA WAIN, ‘GIRL SINGER’ FROM BIG BAND ERA, DEAD AT 100

24 Thursday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, Stories, Tributes

≈ 4 Comments

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Bea Wain was the mother of one of my wife’s and my dearest friends, Wayne Baruch and his wife Shelley. Bea is an American musical cultural icon, and she died earlier this week at age 100.

One reviewer described her this way:

“Bea is considered by many to be one of the best female vocalists of her era, possessing a natural feel for swing-music rhythms not often found among white singers of the day. She excelled in pitch and subtle utilization of dynamics. She also communicated a feminine sensuality and sang with conviction in an unforced manner.”

Bea’s obituary in the Washington Post had a few inaccuracies, so Wayne, her son, edited it, as follows:

“Bea Wain, who started singing on the radio at age six, became a hit-making pop vocalist in the late 1930s, and performed into her ninth decade as one of the last surviving singers from the big-band era, died August 19 in Beverly Hills, CA.

Completely self-taught, Wain had an expressive but understated swing style that propelled her career. She performed in nightclubs and on radio programs before her breakthrough in 1937 [at the age of 20] when arranger Larry Clinton selected her as the thrush for a band he was starting. Clinton’s orchestra never achieved the enduring recognition of groups led by Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey, Artie Shaw, or Benny Goodman. But with superb arrangements, a tightknit group of players, and Wain out front, the ensemble had a solid commercial run with jukebox favorites such as “Deep Purple” and “Heart and Soul.” The band made its biggest impression adapting classical compositions into popular swing numbers featuring Wain’s interpretations, notably “My Reverie” from the Claude Debussy piano piece “Rêverie,” and “Martha,” from the Friedrich von Flotow opera of the same name.

In a 2007 radio interview, Wain said the Debussy estate in France initially balked when Clinton put words to the composer’s melody and no amount of money could change its mind. The band recorded the number anyway and shipped a copy to the estate. A message came back, “If this girl sings it, okay.”

Wain’s negligible pay of $30 per recording session began to grate on her. At the peak of her fame, she left Clinton and became a headliner on the college and theatre circuit. She also appeared regularly on the popular radio program “Your Hit Parade” where she became a friend of another guest, Frank Sinatra. Wain’s many and varied recordings from that period include the romantic “You Go To My Head,” the flirty “Kiss the Boys Goodbye,” the bawdy Andy Razaf/Eubie Blake number “My Man is a Handy Man,” and touching ballads “God Bless the Child,” and “My Sister And I,” a heartbreaker about war refugee children. She was also the first to record the classic “Over The Rainbow,” [1938] but MGM prohibited its release until “The Wizard of Oz” came out.

In 1939, a Billboard Magazine poll named her the year’s most popular female band vocalist. She ranked alongside the country’s most popular singers, including Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Mildred Bailey, and Helen Forrest. She was in demand as a singer on radio shows hosted by Kate Smith, Fred Waring, and Kay Thompson.

Along with her husband of 53 years, radio announcer and commentator André Baruch, she co-hosted a series called Mr. and Mrs. Music on New York radio station WMCA in the late 1940s and early 1950s. They were the first husband and wife dee-jay team on the air. The show eventually migrated to ABC and NBC radio networks and included live musical performances by Wain. Later, they anchored a radio talk show in Palm Beach, FL, before settling in Beverly Hills, CA.” 

Because Wayne was one of the producers of the Three Tenors concerts at Dodger Stadium and many other concerts and telecasts featuring opera luminaries Luciano Pavarotti, Plácido Domingo and José Carreras, Wayne invited his mother to attend a master class with Pavarotti in Los Angeles. Afterward she found herself alone with the maestro.

“My son told him I was a wonderful singer,” Bea told Christopher Popa, a Chicago music librarian who runs the website bigbandlibrary.com . “So he said, ‘Oh, I’d love to hear you.’ I said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, I recorded one of the songs that you sing, that was ‘Martha’ … I said I did a swing version of it. And he said, ‘Show me, show me.’

“And I started to sing it. And he joined in — it was adorable — and he pretended he was a trombone player, and I’d sing la-la-la-la” to his trombone sounds. “And we had a lovely time.”

Bea never stopped singing. I remember recently Wayne telling me that someone met his mother at her assisted living home and told her that he heard that that she was once a singer. Indignant, she retorted “I AM a singer!”

Indeed she was.

Listen to her beautiful voice in these You Tube recordings. You can see her sing “Heart and Soul” which she made popular in the United States.

Google “Bea Wain” and you can listen to your singing on YouTube.

32 Life Lessons for the Hebrew Month of Elul

23 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Soren Kierkegaard said: “It is perfectly true, as philosophers say, that life must be understood backwards. But they forget the other proposition, that it must be lived forwards.”

Though we’re always living forward, the life lessons we learn help to shape our future. Since this is now the season of self-examination (hence, the photo of “The Thinker” by Auguste Rodin, Paris) in Elul which begins this year on Wednesday evening, leading to Rosh Hashanah, I offer you a list of 32 life lessons I’ve learned in my nearly 68 years – there are others, but the number 32 is a significant one in Jewish mystical tradition. It equals the 22 letters of the Hebrew aleph bet plus the 10 “words” of the covenant, and it’s the number equivalent for the Hebrew word lev (lamed – beit), heart, which the mystics teach are the number of pathways to God.

I offer the following, some of which I’ve borrowed gratefully from Regina Brett who first published her list of 50 life lessons (worth reading) and published in the Plain Dealer from Cleveland, Ohio (those that I borrowed from her are in italics). blog.cleveland.com/pdextra/2007/09/regina_bretts_45_life_lessons.htmlSep 20, 2007

They’re not necessarily a way to God, but a means to a healthier, wiser and more sacred way of living, at least as I’ve come to believe in them. I encourage you to draw up your own list.

  • God gave us life and our natural abilities only – everything else is either up to us or a result of dumb luck.
  • Life isn’t always fair, but it’s still good.
  • Life is short, so cut your losses early.
  • Begin planning for retirement as a teen by developing your passions and interests, for they’ll sustain you when you get old.
  • Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up your present.
  • You don’t have to win every argument, so at a certain point stop arguing.
  • Love your spouse above all other people and things. If you aren’t married, then nurture the special friendships in your life.
  • Don’t compare your life to anyone else’s as you have no idea what their journey has been all about.
  • If you can’t publish what you want to say or do on the front page of The NY Times, don’t say or do it.
  • Try not to speak ill of anyone, but if you must, do so only with trusted friends and then only so as to understand better how to cope better with people like that.
  • Don’t procrastinate seeing doctors. It may save your life.
  • Carpe diem. Take pleasure in this day and do what inspires you for we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
  • When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
  • Breathe deeply as it calms the body, mind, heart, and soul.
  • Take your shoes off whenever possible as studies indicate that doing so will prolong your life.
  • Too much alcohol and drugs dull the mind and loosen the lips compelling us to say things we may mean but don’t want said and to say things we may not mean at all.
  • Get a dog or a cat for the love for and from such a creature is unlike anything else we’ll ever know.
  • Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
  • It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.
  • Speak the truth but only when you know you can be effective and only if it doesn’t cause another person unnecessary harm or hurt. Otherwise, be quiet.
  • Stand up to bullies wherever they are and whenever you encounter them.
  • Time does heal almost everything.
  • Don’t fear or resist change for it’s natural, necessary and an opportunity for growth.
  • Love isn’t just a matter of the heart – it comes from God.
  • Learn Torah as often as you can – it will enrich, change and enhance your life and inspire you to do what you might never choose to do otherwise.
  • Being outdoors is almost always better than being indoors.
  • Don’t envy other people’s talent, circumstances or life – you already have everything you require.
  • Be modest.
  • Be forgiving.
  • Be kind.
  • Be generous.
  • Be grateful.

Now, let’s live our lives forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Undelivered Address Prepared for Jefferson Day – April 13, 1945

17 Thursday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Ethics, Social Justice

≈ 1 Comment

FDR

President Franklin D. Roosevelt

The following is taken from the end of an undelivered Address to be given by President Franklin D. Roosevelt  on April 13, 1945. He died from a cerebral hemorrhage the day before.

His written words are as poignant today as they were then.

“Today we are faced with the preeminent fact that, if civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships—the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together and work together, in the same world, at peace.”

 

Israeli President Reuven Rivlin Expresses Solidarity and Support in the Wake of Charlottesville White Supremacy Violence

17 Thursday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Israel/Zionism, Jewish Identity, Social Justice

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In a message sent to Malcolm Hoenlein, CEO of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, Israel’s President, Reuven Rivlin, expressed his support and solidarity and that of all the Israeli people, with the American Jewish community in the difficult times following the events in Charlottesville, and he asked that his message be shared with Jewish organizations and communities across the United States.

Dear Malcolm,

At this difficult time, I want to express my support and solidarity, and that of all the Israeli people with you and your communities, and ask that you kindly convey this message on my behalf to the Jewish communities across the US.

The very idea that in our time we would see a Nazi flag – perhaps the most vicious symbol of anti-Semitism – paraded in the streets of the world’s greatest democracy, and Israel’s most cherished and greatest ally is almost beyond belief.

We have seen manifestations of anti-Semitism again and again arise across the world; in Europe and the Middle East. In the face of such evil, we stand now as we did then. With faith. With faith in humanity, with faith in democracy, and with faith in justice. I know that the great nation of the United States of America and its leaders will know how to face this difficult challenge, and prove to the world the robustness and strength of democracy and freedom.

As we say Chazak, Chazak, ve’Nitchazek. Be strong, be strong, and we will be strong.

Warm regards,

Reuven Rivlin, President of the State of Israel

 

 

 

When a President Stands with Haters, Bigots and Thugs

16 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Quote of the Day, Social Justice, Women's Rights

≈ 1 Comment

President Donald Trump giving a statement on the violence this past weekend in Charlottesville, Virginia at the White House, Aug. 14, 2017. Photo by Chris Kleponis-Pool/Getty Images.

It is now clear where President Trump stands – with haters, bigots, and violent thugs.

It’s sickening and disturbing to know that the man who occupies the Oval Office, a symbol of American exceptionalism, is an immoral, instinctively insensitive human being that represents the very worst of the human condition.

Trump and his campaign have brought the extremist and violent fringe into the mainstream of American life, and it is now up to all decent Americans of every race, ethnicity, religion, national background, and gender orientation, to stand up and say “Enough!”

“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.” (Edmund Burke)

“One who condones evil is just as guilty as the one who perpetrates it.” (Dr. Martin Luther King)

“One who is able to protest against a wrong that is being done in his;/her family, city, nation or world and doesn’t do so is held accountable for that wrong being done.” (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 54b)

“We generations close to the Holocaust must be very clear that no interests of any kind can justify a shameful alliance with groups or individuals who fail to recognize responsibility for the crimes of the Holocaust.” (President Reuven Rivlin, State of Israel)

“Few are guilty, but all are responsible.” (Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel)

Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?

15 Tuesday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Health and Well-Being

≈ 2 Comments

This is a must-read article for anyone who cares about our kids and the impact that Smart Phones are having on those born after 2000.
 
Jean M. Twenge writes this important piece in the September 2017 edition of The Atlantic. She is a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and the author of Generation Me and iGen.
 
“Psychologically, however, they are more vulnerable than Millennials were: Rates of teen depression and suicide have skyrocketed since 2011. It’s not an exaggeration to describe iGen as being on the brink of the worst mental-health crisis in decades. Much of this deterioration can be traced to their phones.
 
…the twin rise of the smartphone and social media has caused an earthquake of a magnitude we’ve not seen in a very long time, if ever. There is compelling evidence that the devices we’ve placed in young people’s hands are having profound effects on their lives—and making them seriously unhappy.”
 
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/
 

Statement on Charlottesville Terrorist Attack – Temple Israel of Hollywood, Los Angeles

13 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Jewish Identity, Social Justice

≈ 1 Comment

 

Note: My colleagues at Temple Israel of Hollywood and our Vice President of Social Justice today posted the following statement:

 

The face of hate is no longer concealed by a white sheet. It is out in front of us. Hate is not hidden.

And, likewise, the face of justice will not be concealed. The voice of justice will not be silenced. Our voices will ring out louder, clearer, and with deeper purpose. We will respond to hate with action and education, advocacy and giving, drawing near and finding common purpose within our own community and across religious, cultural, ethnic, racial, and national lines. We stand with our neighbors, fellow citizens, and fellow human beings of every background.

Yesterday’s events in Charlottesville were evidence of the dark underbelly of our society and the human condition. As Jews and as Americans we condemn the hate-mongering of the neo-Nazi white nationalist movement in this country the representatives of which callously and brutally attacked law-abiding and innocent people yesterday. We mourn the loss of life and send blessings of love and healing to the victims’ families and dear ones.

We are deeply disappointed that the President of the United States did not initially specifically condemn the neo-Nazi white nationalists as the perpetrators of yesterday’s violence nor condemn them in the strongest terms for their bigotry, racism, hatred, and violence. Though he condemned the violence, we believe that a general condemnation is never enough. We insist that he always be specific about the true perpetrators of criminal acts such as this immediately and condemn the responsible groups in the strongest terms.

Our response today is based on the affirmation that American diversity and pluralism help to make America truly great. We affirm as well the merits of the inclusive character of our nation of immigrants and their descendants, and we reaffirm that our nation belongs to all of its citizens and we hope, the dreamer generation too as well as those fleeing persecution and violence throughout the world.

In the days to come, local interfaith groups will be gathering in solidarity to respond publicly to yesterday’s deadly terrorism and to reaffirm the bonds we all share. We will keep you informed of these events.

Please click here to read the statement by Rabbi Rick Jacobs, President of the Union for Reform Judaism, in the wake of Charlottesville.

LA Voice is cosponsoring a vigil tonight, Sunday, August 13, 2017. https://www.facebook.com/events/1906898732883984/?ti=icl

Signed,

John L. Rosove, Senior Rabbi

Michelle Missaghieh, Associate Rabbi

Jocee Hudson, Associate Rabbi

Heidi Segal, Vice President for Social Justice

My Top Ten Jewish Books

11 Friday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, Book Recommendations, Divrei Torah, Ethics, Israel/Zionism, Jewish History, Jewish Identity, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life

≈ 3 Comments

When people ask me what books I think offer the best understanding of what Jews believe and care most about, I’m often stymied because there are so many.

Nevertheless, as an exercise, I tried this week to make a list of my top ten. All of these have moved me, informed me, changed me, and taught me wisdom, inspired me, and given me insight not only into the Jewish heart, mind, and soul, but into what it means to be a human being and a mensch.

Here are my top ten:

  • The Five Books of Moses – The Hebrew Bible is the foundational text in Judaism. Among the best modern commentaries that I’ve found is Etz Hayim: Torah and Commentary, edited by Rabbi David L. Lieber and published by the Conservative movement.
  • Covenant & Conversation – Numbers: The Wilderness Years by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks is a brilliant commentary and exploration into the fourth of the five books of Moses. Rabbi Sacks brings the Biblical past into the present and shows how the Book of Numbers is among the world’s most important literary works.
  • A History of the Jews by Paul Johnson – There are many fine Jewish histories. I chose Johnson’s because it is both descriptive and inspirational. For example, he wrote: “No people has ever insisted more firmly than the Jews that history has a purpose and humanity a destiny … The Jews, therefore, stand right at the center of the perennial attempt to give human life the dignity of a purpose.”
  • Pirkei Avot – Sayings of the Sages – An ethical tractate stuck in the middle of a 2nd century legal code, this series of teachings and maxims is a guide to behavior, attitudes, civility, honor, integrity, faith, aspiration, kindness, peace, humility, generosity, patience, fairness, and the proper use of speech. Of the many commentaries, my favorite is one that comes out of the Orthodox world – Pirkei Avot: Ethics of the Fathers – The Sages’ Guide to Living published by Artscroll.
  • Sefer Ha-Hinukh – Book of Education is attributed to the 13th century Rabbi Aaron ha-Levi of Barcelona (in 5 volumes). This work explains each of the Torah’s 613 commandments in order of appearance. Intended most likely as a text for students to learn the purpose of the commandments and how to live in line with the spirit and values of Torah, it is a superb introduction to Biblical law.
  • Opening The Tanya, Learning the Tanya, and Understanding the Tanya (3 volumes) was written by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, the founder of Chabad Lubavitch Chassidism. This three volume text with commentary by Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz explores the complexities, doubts, and drives at the core of the struggle between the Godly and animal souls. Though more than two centuries old, the teachings here are as relevant today as they were when they were written at the end of the eighteenth century.
  • Between God and Man – An Interpretation of Judaism is a selection of writings by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, among the greatest Jewish scholars, thinkers, theologians, social activists, teachers, and leaders of the 20th century. Rabbi Heschel is a poet of the soul and this work opens the heart, mind, and soul to the relationship between humankind and God as few great thinkers can do.
  • One People, Two Worlds: A Reform Rabbi and an Orthodox Rabbi Explore the Issues That Divide Them is by Rabbi Ammiel Hirsch (Reform) and Rabbi Yosef Reinman (Haredi Orthodox). These two rabbis entered into an 18-month email correspondence after being introduced by a mutual friend on the fundamental principles of Jewish faith and practice. What resulted is “an honest, intelligent, no-holds-barred discussion of virtually every hot-button issue on which Reform and Orthodox Jews differ, among them the existence of a Supreme Being, the origins and authenticity of the Bible and the Oral Law, the role of women, assimilation, the value of secular culture, and Israel.” (the publisher) This dialogue is unprecedented. In the end these two rabbis from very different religious streams found that they not only liked each other but respected each other as well.
  • Not in God’s Name – Confronting Religious Violence by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks explores how religious extremism and violence in Jewish, Christian, and Muslim communities worldwide are corruptions of our respective religious texts and our shared monotheistic tradition.
  • Fragile Dialogue: The New Voices of Liberal Zionism, edited by Rabbis Stanley Davids, Larry Englander, and Hara Person and published by the Central Conference of American Rabbis, includes the reflections of close to forty teachers and thinkers who struggle with a variety of approaches to liberal Zionism that are emerging in the 21st century. Israel has become one of the most polarizing forces in the North American Jewish community resulting in a serious challenge to Jewish unity and the alienation of many Jews from the State of Israel and the Jewish people. This work is an attempt to address those tensions within modern Jewish life and bring clarity to the conversation (to be published in early Fall, 2017).

People often ask me where to begin. It really doesn’t matter. Just begin where you are most interested and allow your heart, mind and soul to carry you forward.

 

When a Childhood Home is Demolished

05 Saturday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Life Cycle, Stories

≈ 9 Comments

                                   

Above photos – Michael, me, and our father – 1952 and view from the street today

Eighty-three years ago, in 1934, in the midst of the Great Depression, my childhood home in west Los Angeles was built.

It is a charming California ranch-style home of no more than 2100 square feet. According to neighborhood code, every home was set back 100 feet from the street.

When I was growing up, 15 mature trees populated the grounds. In the back yard, there were willow, palm, avocado, guava, kumquat, peach, plum, laurel, and lemon. In the front yard grew magnolia, jacaranda, paper birch, oak, pine, and maple. Alas, all are gone now except the maple.

As a kid, I loved climbing the tall oak or magnolia whenever I needed to be alone. I also loved to climb onto our tile roof being careful not to break the tiles, which I did from time to time.

My parents bought the home in 1949 just before I was born. My brother Michael left for college in 1966, and after I left in 1968, my mother sold the property. The family that bought it lived there for the next 49 years until this past year.

Last week the developers who bought it put up a green fabric fence signaling that demolition is imminent.

I loved that house. My very first memories are from the age of two. I played baseball with my dad and brother in the back yard. Michael and I dug holes lined with tin cans in the front yard so we could putt golf balls. In the back was a built-in red brick distressed barbecue. In the service yard behind the garage we inherited an incinerator from the 1940s and used it until the LA City Council banned them in 1957.

My dad played the violin and painted still life casein in the sunny lanai, a room he named for his pleasant experiences serving in the Hawaiian islands during World War II as a physician and lieutenant colonel in the US Navy. Our parents entertained with scotch and martinis before sit-down dinners. They drank their coffee black and hot!

My dad bought Michael and me our first bicycles. Mine was a red 24-inch Schwinn I called “Betsy.” His was black. We rode the neighborhood with gusto. I walked to the bus stop or the mile through back streets to school from the age of 6 without my parents expressing, to my knowledge, any worry.

Our house doors were never locked. Milk was delivered in bottles and placed in a small niche near the back door. The Good Humor ice cream truck drove our streets in the afternoon. I played outside until dark and came home filthy. I knew my neighborhood like the back of my hand and knew most of the neighbors. Dogs roamed the streets unleashed.

As a little boy, I remember following my dad (who I called “Daddy” and still do) like a puppy in the back yard picking up the clippings he pruned. I can still remember the smell of wet cut grass and eucalyptus from the adjacent property. We fed California jays (now called scrub jays) and had names for all of them according to their markings. We collected butterflies.

In 1953, my parents bought our first television set, a 24-inch black-and-white console. They put it in my dad’s study with his book shelves, medical journals, desk and two red leather chairs and ottoman on which my brother and I watched cartoons on weekend mornings, westerns in the afternoons, I Love Lucy when we were sick, the Friday night fights with my dad, The Wonderful World of Disney and The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday nights.

In 1956, I remember the interview with Adlai Stevenson when the camera caught the hole in the bottom of his shoe. I recall also seeing Fidel Castro on Face the Nation in 1959 just after the Cuban revolution, JFK delivering his inaugural address in 1961, his Cuban Missile Crisis speech in 1962, Dr. King’s “I have a dream” speech on the Washington Mall in 1963, the entire weekend after Kennedy’s assassination in November 1963 including live the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald, LBJ signing the 1964 Civil Rights Act and the 1965 Voting Rights Act in the White House, and footage of the fighting during the 1967 Six-Day War between Israel and the combined armies of eight Arab nations who promised to “push the Jews into the sea.”

I emerged into political and historical consciousness in that house.

On August 10, 1959, my world changed irrevocably. Michael (a year older than me) and I saw our father for the last time that evening as he stood in the doorway of our small bedroom to say goodnight. He hadn’t been feeling well and while we slept an ambulance came to the house and took him at 2 a.m. to the hospital where he died 23 hours later from his second heart attack. He was only 53 years old.

My brother and I call that house “321.” It has been our link to our childhoods and father throughout our lives. I visited it from time to time and even knocked on the door 25 years ago and asked to walk through. The owners remembered my family and were gracious. Though it has been owned by others, Michael and I still feel that it belongs to us. I fantasized that maybe either of us would be able and want to buy it this past year when it was put up for sale.

One doesn’t say Kaddish over a house, but its demolition is a death for both of us. We’re left now only with, as Jim Croce poignantly said, “photographs and memories.”

Thanks to Michael for sharing his memories with me as I wrote this.

 

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