Introduction:

I originally posted my poem “In The Black Night” on this blog on Friday, November 15, 2013 during the week in which Jews around the world read Parashat Vayishlach (Genesis 32:4-36:43) as part of the annual cycle of Torah readings. I re-read it this week in which again we read Vayishlach.

My poem addresses not only the biblical relationship between the fraternal twins Jacob and Esau from the perspective of Jacob, but also the relationship between competing political parties, peoples, and nationalities.

I offer it again now because it ought to be obvious how destructive and corrupting to human relationships are the impulses of ego, need, and ambition.

“In the black night / the river runs cold / slowly passing me by / over formerly sharp-edged stones / worn smooth by centuries of churning, / as if through earthy veins – / and I Jacob, alone, / shiver and wait / to meet my brother / and daylight.

Will there be war? / And will the angels carry my soul / up the rungs of the ladder / leaving my blood / to soak the earthy crust?

A presence!? / And I struggle yet again / as if in my mother’s womb / and in my dreams.

We played together as children once, / my brother Esau and me / as innocents, / and I confess tonight / how I wronged him / and wrenched from him his birthright / as this Being has done to me / between my thighs.

I was so young / driven by ego and need, / blinded by ambition, / my mother’s dreams / and my father’s silence.

I so craved to be first born / adored by my father, / to assume his place when he died / that my name be remembered / and define a people.

How Esau suffered and wailed / and I didn’t care. / Whatever his dreams / they were nothing to me – / my heart was hard – / his life be damned!

But, after all these years / I’ve learned that Esau and I / each alone is / a palga gufa – a half soul / without the other – / torn away / as two souls separated at creation / seeking reunification / in a sea of souls – / the yin missing the yang – / the dark and light never to touch – / the mind divorced from body – / the soul in exile – / without a beating bleating heart / to witness – / and no access to the thirty-two paths / to carry us together / up the ladder / and through the spheres. 

It’s come to this! / To struggle again – / To live or die.

Tonight / I’m ready for death / or submission.

Compassionate One: / protect Esau and your servant – / my brother and me / as one – / and return us to each other. 

El na r’fa na lanu! / Grant us peace and rest! / I’m very tired!”

Originally published in the CCAR Journal: Reform Jewish Quarterly, Spring, 2010, pages 113-115.