The Time for Forgiveness is Now!

03 Sunday Sep 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life, Stories

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Forgiveness (i.e. forgiving others and forgiving ourselves) may be the most difficult challenge we ever have to face. However, we often make it more difficult than it needs to be because we misunderstand what forgiveness is and is meant to do.

Forgiving others doesn’t mean excusing their bad behavior or forgetting that they wronged us. Even if people who hurt us don’t apologize to us and even if they continue to justify what they did that is contrary to what we believe actually happened, we ought to forgive them not for their sake but for ours. Forgiveness means “letting go” of resentments because these negative and toxic feelings are damaging to us.

Having noted this, the ideal goal of forgiveness is to reconcile and reestablish some kind of relationship with the offending “other.” Let me be quick to say, however, that reconciliation isn’t always possible if, for example, the person who harmed us or we harmed is deceased, nor is it always desirable if the “other” is so incorrigible, narcissistic, and damaged that we have no desire for reconciliation.

Here, however, is one positive example of what forgiveness can do.

A woman in her 70s hadn’t spoken with her sister in forty years. Out of the blue one day her sister called to tell her that she was dying and wanted to see her. They met, her sister apologized for the wrong that caused the breach so long before, and asked for forgiveness. They wept together and reconciled. After her sister died the woman felt a heavy burden lifted from her heart, and the love she once felt for her sister returned.

There is no time like the present (in this season of Elul before Rosh Hashanah in particular) to summon the courage, take the risk, and seek forgiveness from those we’ve wronged even if the event occurred many years ago. Hopefully, those who wronged us will do the same. There is no expiration date nor is there a statute of limitations on forgiveness.

Michael McCullough extends the principles of forgiveness to groups, communities, and nations:

“The forgiveness instinct … can change the world. Groups can be helped to forgive other groups, communities can be helped to forgive other communities, …and nations can even be helped to forgive other nations. Leaders… can offer apologies on behalf of their people to groups with whom they’ve been in conflict. They can also offer … remorse and empathy for the suffering of another group, and they can provide compensation to groups of people whom they’ve harmed – just as individuals can. When they engage in such gestures, it is often to great effect.” (Beyond Revenge – The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct, [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, 2008] p. 181-2)

Think of the power of Pope John Paul II’s apology to the Jewish people for Christendom’s participation in the Holocaust, the Japanese apology for war atrocities it committed against China and Korea, the United States’ apology to Japanese Americans interred in concentration camps during World War II, and the Irish Republican Army’s apology for the deaths of noncombatants during the war in northern Ireland.

Imagine Prime Minister Netanyahu on behalf of Israel and President Abbas on behalf of the Palestinians taking a similar step and apologizing to the other for the pain and suffering each people caused non-combatants on the other side. If this were to happen, if either took the initiative, I believe that a peaceful resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is possible.

Longfellow wrote: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

Note: Selichot (the Holiday in which Judaism teaches that the Gates of Heaven begin to open to receive the petitionary prayers of the community) this year falls on Saturday night, September 16. Those who live in Los Angeles and are unaffiliated are welcome to join us at Temple Israel of Hollywood. We’ll convene for learning with the Rabbis at 8:30 pm considering all aspects of forgiveness, followed by a presentation by Theater Dybbuk on the theme of forgiveness, and then we’ll join together in the mystical service of Selichot in which we will change the Torah mantles on all our sifrei Torah to white. Come dressed in white.

L’shanah tovah.

Why Forgive?

30 Wednesday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Inuyim - Prayer reflections and ruminations

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forgiveness-001

During the thirty days before Rosh Hashanah we Jews begin the process of returning (Teshuvah) to the people from whom we’ve become alienated, to the Jewish community, to Torah, to one’s own soul, to a balanced relationship with nature, and to God. Part of that journey requires the act forgiveness in all its dimensions. Forgiving those who have hurt us is not easy.

I’ve come to the conclusion that our forgiving others and forgiving ourselves for past wrongs means letting go of hurt, anger, resentment, jealousy, envy, and hate, and thereby becoming free. If we are successful, the ensuing relationship we develop with the “other” will necessarily be different than it was. In many cases, the change that takes place in us requires letting go not only of the toxic relationship that caused us so much pain and hardship but any future relationship with the “other.”

On Saturday night, September 16, the Jewish world enters into a midnight service called “Selichot” (“forgiveness”) when tradition teaches that the gates of heaven begin to open to receive our prayers and supplications. Selichot is the opening service of the High Holiday season and it occurs on Saturday night just before Rosh Hashanah. It is a powerful service if we take the need for forgiveness seriously.

I have compiled a list of quotations from world literature that offer wisdom and insight into the purpose and benefits of forgiveness. I present it to you as a gift.

“Forgiveness sets you free!” – Mother Teresa

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mohandas “Mahatma” Gandhi

“I can forgive, but I cannot forget” is only another way of saying, ‘I will not forgive.’ Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note — torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“A wise person will make haste to forgive, because s/he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.” – Samuel Johnson

“Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass.” – Confucius

“To forgive someone does not mean you excuse their behavior or that they were bad. To forgive means getting rid of your resentment, so that it does not complicate your own life.” – Rabbi Abraham J Twerski

“The primary aspect of forgiveness is not as an act of kindness toward the offender, but as a gift to oneself, to free one of the burdens of harboring resentment, which can have negative effects, both physically and emotionally.” – Rabbi Abraham J Twerski

“Forgiveness isn’t about pardoning the one who has hurt us. We simply decide to move on.” – Rabbi Edwin Goldberg

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, s/he becomes an adolescent; the day s/he forgives them, s/he becomes an adult; the day s/he forgives her/himself, s/he becomes wise.” – Alden Nowlan

“Ribono shel olam! I hereby forgive everyone who has angered or provoked me or sinned against me, whether against me physically, financially, or against my dignity, or against anything belonging to me, whether it was done under duress, or intentionally, or inadvertently or willfully, whether it was verbal, or by deed, or by thought, whether it was in this existence or in a previous existence, everyone, and may no person ever be punished because of me.” – Jewish bedtime prayer

L’shanah tovah!

Statement on Charlottesville Terrorist Attack – Temple Israel of Hollywood, Los Angeles

13 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Jewish Identity, Social Justice

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Note: My colleagues at Temple Israel of Hollywood and our Vice President of Social Justice today posted the following statement:

The face of hate is no longer concealed by a white sheet. It is out in front of us. Hate is not hidden.

And, likewise, the face of justice will not be concealed. The voice of justice will not be silenced. Our voices will ring out louder, clearer, and with deeper purpose. We will respond to hate with action and education, advocacy and giving, drawing near and finding common purpose within our own community and across religious, cultural, ethnic, racial, and national lines. We stand with our neighbors, fellow citizens, and fellow human beings of every background.

Yesterday’s events in Charlottesville were evidence of the dark underbelly of our society and the human condition. As Jews and as Americans we condemn the hate-mongering of the neo-Nazi white nationalist movement in this country the representatives of which callously and brutally attacked law-abiding and innocent people yesterday. We mourn the loss of life and send blessings of love and healing to the victims’ families and dear ones.

We are deeply disappointed that the President of the United States did not initially specifically condemn the neo-Nazi white nationalists as the perpetrators of yesterday’s violence nor condemn them in the strongest terms for their bigotry, racism, hatred, and violence. Though he condemned the violence, we believe that a general condemnation is never enough. We insist that he always be specific about the true perpetrators of criminal acts such as this immediately and condemn the responsible groups in the strongest terms.

Our response today is based on the affirmation that American diversity and pluralism help to make America truly great. We affirm as well the merits of the inclusive character of our nation of immigrants and their descendants, and we reaffirm that our nation belongs to all of its citizens and we hope, the dreamer generation too as well as those fleeing persecution and violence throughout the world.

In the days to come, local interfaith groups will be gathering in solidarity to respond publicly to yesterday’s deadly terrorism and to reaffirm the bonds we all share. We will keep you informed of these events.

Please click here to read the statement by Rabbi Rick Jacobs, President of the Union for Reform Judaism, in the wake of Charlottesville.

LA Voice is cosponsoring a vigil tonight, Sunday, August 13, 2017. https://www.facebook.com/events/1906898732883984/?ti=icl

Signed,

John L. Rosove, Senior Rabbi

Michelle Missaghieh, Associate Rabbi

Jocee Hudson, Associate Rabbi

Heidi Segal, Vice President for Social Justice

My Top Ten Jewish Books

11 Friday Aug 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, Book Recommendations, Divrei Torah, Ethics, Israel/Zionism, Jewish History, Jewish Identity, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life

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When people ask me what books I think offer the best understanding of what Jews believe and care most about, I’m often stymied because there are so many.

Nevertheless, as an exercise, I tried this week to make a list of my top ten. All of these have moved me, informed me, changed me, and taught me wisdom, inspired me, and given me insight not only into the Jewish heart, mind, and soul, but into what it means to be a human being and a mensch.

Here are my top ten:

The Five Books of Moses – The Hebrew Bible is the foundational text in Judaism. Among the best modern commentaries that I’ve found is Etz Hayim: Torah and Commentary, edited by Rabbi David L. Lieber and published by the Conservative movement.
Covenant & Conversation – Numbers: The Wilderness Years by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks is a brilliant commentary and exploration into the fourth of the five books of Moses. Rabbi Sacks brings the Biblical past into the present and shows how the Book of Numbers is among the world’s most important literary works.
A History of the Jews by Paul Johnson – There are many fine Jewish histories. I chose Johnson’s because it is both descriptive and inspirational. For example, he wrote: “No people has ever insisted more firmly than the Jews that history has a purpose and humanity a destiny … The Jews, therefore, stand right at the center of the perennial attempt to give human life the dignity of a purpose.”
Pirkei Avot – Sayings of the Sages – An ethical tractate stuck in the middle of a 2^nd century legal code, this series of teachings and maxims is a guide to behavior, attitudes, civility, honor, integrity, faith, aspiration, kindness, peace, humility, generosity, patience, fairness, and the proper use of speech. Of the many commentaries, my favorite is one that comes out of the Orthodox world – Pirkei Avot: Ethics of the Fathers – The Sages’ Guide to Living published by Artscroll.
Sefer Ha-Hinukh – Book of Education is attributed to the 13^th century Rabbi Aaron ha-Levi of Barcelona (in 5 volumes). This work explains each of the Torah’s 613 commandments in order of appearance. Intended most likely as a text for students to learn the purpose of the commandments and how to live in line with the spirit and values of Torah, it is a superb introduction to Biblical law.
Opening The Tanya, Learning the Tanya, and Understanding the Tanya (3 volumes) was written by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, the founder of Chabad Lubavitch Chassidism. This three volume text with commentary by Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz explores the complexities, doubts, and drives at the core of the struggle between the Godly and animal souls. Though more than two centuries old, the teachings here are as relevant today as they were when they were written at the end of the eighteenth century.
Between God and Man – An Interpretation of Judaism is a selection of writings by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, among the greatest Jewish scholars, thinkers, theologians, social activists, teachers, and leaders of the 20^th century. Rabbi Heschel is a poet of the soul and this work opens the heart, mind, and soul to the relationship between humankind and God as few great thinkers can do.
One People, Two Worlds: A Reform Rabbi and an Orthodox Rabbi Explore the Issues That Divide Them is by Rabbi Ammiel Hirsch (Reform) and Rabbi Yosef Reinman (Haredi Orthodox). These two rabbis entered into an 18-month email correspondence after being introduced by a mutual friend on the fundamental principles of Jewish faith and practice. What resulted is “an honest, intelligent, no-holds-barred discussion of virtually every hot-button issue on which Reform and Orthodox Jews differ, among them the existence of a Supreme Being, the origins and authenticity of the Bible and the Oral Law, the role of women, assimilation, the value of secular culture, and Israel.” (the publisher) This dialogue is unprecedented. In the end these two rabbis from very different religious streams found that they not only liked each other but respected each other as well.
Not in God’s Name – Confronting Religious Violence by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks explores how religious extremism and violence in Jewish, Christian, and Muslim communities worldwide are corruptions of our respective religious texts and our shared monotheistic tradition.
Fragile Dialogue: The New Voices of Liberal Zionism, edited by Rabbis Stanley Davids, Larry Englander, and Hara Person and published by the Central Conference of American Rabbis, includes the reflections of close to forty teachers and thinkers who struggle with a variety of approaches to liberal Zionism that are emerging in the 21^st century. Israel has become one of the most polarizing forces in the North American Jewish community resulting in a serious challenge to Jewish unity and the alienation of many Jews from the State of Israel and the Jewish people. This work is an attempt to address those tensions within modern Jewish life and bring clarity to the conversation (to be published in early Fall, 2017).

People often ask me where to begin. It really doesn’t matter. Just begin where you are most interested and allow your heart, mind and soul to carry you forward.

President Trump is no “Leader”

30 Sunday Jul 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Ethics

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President Donald Trump holds a rally with supporters in an arena in Youngstown, Ohio, on July 25. Photo by Jonathan Ernst

Though President Trump’s [updated blog] Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci said correctly that “a fish stinks from the Head” but there were two people in the administration who were not the “stinkers,” him and the President, I beg to differ. Indeed, if the stink starts with the head of the fish the head of this fish is none other than President Trump.

Everything we see taking place in the White House is a direct reflection of him: the chaos, lies, deception, crudity, and mean-spiritedness; incompetence, lack of moral principles and ideological clarity; a management style based on dividing and conquering; encouragement of backbiting and power plays dividing top lieutenants and aides; and a black hole of need to be the center of every story every day regardless of merit.

I offer below some thoughts by people familiar with leadership that challenges Trump’s “leadership” as anything deserving of merit:

“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men/people he has around him.” -Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)

The boss drives his people; the leader coaches them. The boss depends upon authority, the leader on goodwill. The boss inspires fear; the leader inspires enthusiasm. The boss says “I”; the leader, “we.” The boss fixes the blame for the breakdown; the leader fixes the breakdown. The boss knows how it is done; the leader shows how. The boss says “Go”; the leader says “Let’s go!” – Henry Gordon Selfridge, Sr (1856-1947)

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” – President John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)

“The ideal public leader is one who holds seven attributes: wisdom, humility, reverence, loathing of money, love of truth, love of humanity, and a good name.” -Rabbi Moses Ben Maimon (Maimonides – the RAMBAM), Hilchot Sanhedrin 2:7 (1135-1204 CE)

“Great leadership requires not just vision and high moral rectitude, but the love of truth, the love of humanity, wisdom, humility, respect for the dignity of the individual, and a sacred commitment to further the common good.” – Rabbi John Rosove

The Challenge of Leadership

28 Friday Jul 2017

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Ethics, Quote of the Day

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Here is a definition that most everyone in the White House would be wise to read and take to heart – if that is at all possible!

“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor but without folly.”

-Emanuel James “Jim” Rohn, American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker

Rabbi John Rosove's Blog

Category Archives: Ethics

The Time for Forgiveness is Now!

Why Forgive?

My Top Ten Jewish Books

President Trump is no “Leader”

The Challenge of Leadership