On Forgiveness and Reconciliation Between Individuals and Nations

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Israel and Palestine

Every year this season draws families, friends and colleagues together. There is love in the air, but also painful memories of breached trust and unresolved conflict.

The power of forgiveness, the instinct for revenge and the need for reconciliation is ever present in our lives. Forgiveness may be the most difficult challenge we ever face. For those, however, who are able to forgive and are graced by others who forgive us, we are fortunate indeed.

Rabbi Abraham Twerski, in Forgiveness – Don’t let resentment keep you captive, writes that every experience we have in our lives is stored in the memory hard drive of our subconscious. Some are harmless, some edifying and others painful. Though we may have repressed them we are, nevertheless, the sum total of those memories. We are fashioned by them and we relate to others through our memory’s lens.

Rabbi Twerski says: “With every additional year there are more provocations (major and minor) and the sum total is cumulative…when we don’t forgive an offense, it remains in the subconscious and it joins similar feelings for the various complexes to which it belongs.”

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Forgiving does not mean excusing the bad behavior of others or forgetting that we’ve been wronged. Rather, forgiveness means letting go of the anger, resentment and need for revenge.

What if the people who hurt us or offended us have not apologized and think they were justified in what they did? Are we supposed to forgive them?

The answer is yes, not for their sake but for ours. Forgiving an offender is not about doing him a favor. Getting rid of our resentment and need for vengeance is for our own good so that those negative feelings cease to complicate our lives.

The ideal goal is reconciliation with the offending other. But this is not always possible.

I heard a moving story this week about a woman in her 70s who had not spoken with her sister in 40 years. One day out of the blue her sister called to inform her that she was dying, and before she died she wanted to see her. They met, her sister apologized for the wrong that had caused the breach and asked for forgiveness. They wept together and reconciled. After she died the surviving sister felt as though a heavy burden had been lifted from her, and the love she once felt for her sister returned.

As we encounter family, friends and colleagues during these final days of the year, perhaps now is our time to dig deeply, summon the courage, take the risk, and ask for and seek forgiveness of others.

Michael McCullough, in his book Beyond Revenge – The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct, extends the principles of interpersonal forgiveness to groups, communities and nations. He writes:

“The forgiveness instinct needs to be activated. When we do this we can change the world. Groups can be helped to forgive other groups, communities can be helped to forgive other communities, …and nations can even be helped to forgive other nations. Leaders… can offer apologies on behalf of their people to groups with whom they’ve been in conflict. They can also offer gestures that express remorse and empathy for the suffering of another group, and they can provide compensation to groups of people whom they’ve harmed – just as individuals can. When they engage in such gestures, it is often to great effect.” (p. 182-183)

Think of such gestures on the world stage that have been offered, and the effect. Pope John Paul II apologized to the Jewish people for Christendom’s participation in the Holocaust. Japanese leaders offered public apologies for war atrocities committed against China, Korea and other neighbors. The United States apologized to Japanese Americans who we interred in concentration camps during World War II. The Irish Republican Army apologized for the deaths of noncombatants during the war in northern Ireland.

Is it not time for Prime Minister Netanyahu and President Abbas to apologize on behalf of their peoples for the pain and suffering experienced by non-combatants on each side as a first step to a peaceful resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?

It is never too late. Forgiveness can come at any time.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

Support Sensible Gun Control – RAC

18 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Social Justice

≈ 1 Comment

I am passing along an appeal from the Religious Action Center (RAC)of Reform Judaism in Washington, DC. The RAC is the lobbying arm of the Union for Reform Judaism and is the preeminent progressive religious advocate for more than 50 years in the nation’s capital. Please follow the links and send your name to your Senators and Congressional representatives supporting gun control legislation now. Many thanks.

Support Sensible Gun Control

The recent tragedy in Newtown, CT is a devastating reminder that over 30,000 Americans die each year as a result of gun violence. The number and severity of violent shootings in recent years can only be described as an epidemic. We are inspired by a Jewish tradition that emphasizes the sanctity of human life, and commands us to turn weapons of destruction into tools for the greater good of society. It is imperative that President Obama and Congress take action to advance sensible gun control laws, including taking assault weapons off of our streets and improving our system of background checks.

Take Action: Ask President Obama, your Members of Congress to advance sensible gun laws. For more information, please contact Eisendrath Legislative Assistant Mikey Pasek at 202.387.2800.

The Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism is the Washington office of the Union for Reform Judaism, whose more than 900 congregations across North America encompass 1.5 million Reform Jews, and the Central Conference of American Rabbis, whose membership includes more than 1800 Reform rabbis.

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2027 Massachusetts Ave NW, Washington, DC, 20036 | 202.387.2800 | @therac

“The Hour of Sunlight: One Palestinian’s Journey from Prisoner to Peacemaker” by Sami Al Jundi and Jen Marlow

26 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Book Recommendations, Ethics, Israel and Palestine, Israel/Zionism, Jewish History, Social Justice

≈ 1 Comment

Sami Al Jundi’s story is the most remarkable memoir I have read coming out of the Palestinian experience. For those who care about ending the violence, enmity, occupation, and repression that characterize the Israeli-Palestinian context, I recommend this book highly.

The book is not, however, for the faint of heart. There are passages difficult to stomach including a detailed description of Sami’s torture by both Israeli security officials and Palestinian Authority police (yes – he was abused by both). Indeed, Sami spares no one, Israelis, Palestinians and “do-good” Americans who he believed did not fully understand the depth of enmity between the peoples and what is necessary to transform the relationship if peace is to be realized.

Sami was born into a loving family in the old city of Jerusalem in 1961. As a child, like many Palestinian children living under occupation, he became radicalized and participated in rock throwing against Israeli soldiers. When he was 17, he was arrested after a bomb he and two friends were making and planning to detonate in an Israeli vegetable market blew up in their faces. One friend was killed and Sami was wounded. He was arrested at the hospital, interrogated and tortured by Israeli security police, tried, found guilty, and sentenced to 10 years in an Israeli prison.

Once in prison he discovered that his fellow Palestinian political prisoners (as opposed to common criminals) had created a democratic system that included a highly sophisticated and intensive educational program. Sami read 300 pages a day for 10 years in world history, philosophy, psychology, French and Arabic literature, and poetry, as well as the Torah, New Testament and Qur’an. As a result he began to rethink relations between individuals and peoples.

Despite his violent past, Sami was drawn to the non-violent thought of Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King. Upon release from prison, Sami was committed to non-violence and became involved with the “Palestinian Center for Non-Violence in Jerusalem.” The Center’s purpose was:

“Throw flowers, not stones, at soldiers at demonstrations. Force them to see our humanity…be stronger than your opponent – do not respond to their violence with your own….the occupation must end and there must be equal rights for both peoples living in this land. The message will be stronger if it is delivered using nonviolent methods.”

Noting the influence of two Persian dualist philosophers, Mani (3^rd century CE) and Mazdak (6^th century CE), Sami wrote:

“Everyone … has light and darkness inside them. Even the darkest heart always has some small point of light. We have to help them find their light also. And then it will grow. This is the essence of nonviolence. Not to fight the person, but to fight the darkness in his heart. The only way to do this is through growing his light… The only way to change their behavior is if we’re willing to talk to each other, to build respect for each other as human beings.” (p. 210)

Sami was disgusted by violence of all kinds, be it perpetrated by Palestinian suicide bombers, Israeli settlers, the Israeli Defense Forces, and the Palestinian Authority police.

Soon after its founding in 1993 by the American journalist John Wallach (who was my congregant when I served at the Washington Hebrew Congregation in DC), Sami became the supervisor of the “Seeds of Peace Center for Coexistence in East Jerusalem.” The program was founded upon the idea that when young people from enemy communities have an opportunity to meet each other on neutral ground as equals, talk, argue, listen, and spend time together, they develop empathy for the other and consequently become friends, which Seeds of Peace affirms is the basis for the peaceful resolution of conflict between individuals and peoples.

It was at the Center that Sami met the American author/documentary filmmaker/playwright Jen Marlowe, who was on staff, with whom he co-authored this book.

Though Sami eventually would leave Seeds of Peace, the reasons for which he describes in detail, the Seeds program has expanded over the 20 years of its existence to include 5000 alumni from 27 nations. (See http://www.seedsofpeace.org/about)

The resolution to the memoir is as unfinished as is the lack of a resolution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Though I do not know Sami or Jen personally, I would imagine that they would both affirm that now, especially in the wake of the violence in Gaza, is not the time to desist from efforts for Israelis and the Palestinians to make peace.

As they have stated, our two peoples are destined to live together side by side on the land we each claim as our national home. Programs such as Seeds of Peace and the Palestinian Center for Non-Violence represent among the few shining lights remaining in the darkness of the human heart within the Israeli-Palestinian context and thus are our greatest hope.

Dump Donald Trump Campaign

11 Sunday Nov 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Ethics

≈ Leave a comment

I have not used my blog for a purpose such as this before, but I am doing so now because of my utter disgust with the destructive utterances of Donald Trump in the last election cycle.

MoveOn.org is organizing a petition drive to communicate the public’s opposition to Macys Department Store entering into an agreement to carry Trumps product line.

I have shopped at Macys for more than 40 years, and knowing that Macys has an “arrangement” to promote Trump’s goods is disheartening, to say the least.

Please sign this petition if you agree with me.

http://signon.org/sign/urge-macys-to-dump-donald?source=mo&id=57565-18441281-zTR7yYx

“The Good Girls Revolt” – by Lynn Povich – Recommended Reading

04 Sunday Nov 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Book Recommendations, Ethics, Social Justice

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“The Good Girls Revolt – How The Women of Newsweek Sued Their Bosses and Changed the Work Place,” by Lynn Povich, is a painstakingly researched story of one of the seminal events affecting the rights of women in the American work place in the early years of the women’s movement.

In March, 1970, 46 Newsweek women sued Newsweek Magazine for sexual discrimination in hiring and promotion. Charging that “there seems to be a gentlemen’s agreement at Newsweek that men are writers and women are researchers, and the exceptions are few and far between,” carefully and with resolve these women set out to do something that had never been done before – bring a class action civil rights suit against one of the publishing world’s juggernauts.

Katherine Graham, then the publisher of The Washington Post and President of the Washington Post Company (the parent company of Newsweek), when told of the lawsuit asked, “Which side am I supposed to be on?”

The 46 Newsweek women enlisted the legal counsel of the young firebrand attorney Eleanor Norton Holmes who successfully guided the suit to victory and opened not just the publishing business, but the workplace generally, to greater fairness and opportunities for women.

Lynn Povich was one of the ringleaders.

A disclaimer, Lynn is a friend. However, even if she were not, I would recommend this volume especially to young women who were born long after the struggles fought by their mothers and grandmothers. It is too easy to take for granted the opportunities available to women today even with the inequities without pausing to consider the scope of the suppression, humiliation and injustice suffered in the past (AMC’s “Mad Men” well describes the world in which Lynn and her colleagues struggled). For anyone 60 years and older, we remember those years pre-Feminine Mystique, pre-Newsweek women, pre-Roe v Wade. Much, thanks to Lynn, her colleagues and many others, has changed in the last 40 years, and this book enables us to take stock and be grateful to those women who stuck their necks out.

Lynn began as a secretary at Newsweek and within 5 years (after the lawsuit itself, revealing the good will of its top management) became the magazine’s first woman senior editor. In 1991 she left Newsweek to become editor-in-chief of Working Woman Magazine and managing editor/senior executive producer for MSNBC.com.

Lynn explains how these 46 women came to sue Newsweek and how they “conspired” in the Ladies Room out of fear of being fired.

Neither Lynn nor her colleagues were the stereotypical hard-edged, bra-burning, hard, man-hating women so often dismissed by Rush Limbaugh and company. To the contrary, Lynn and her colleagues were humble and self-effacing, often smarter and more talented than their male counterparts, who wanted Newsweek to be the progressive magazine it prided itself even then on being so they, based on hard work and talent, could progress.

Lynn told this story not only because the case the Newsweek women brought was historic (i.e. the first class action suit filed and won on behalf of women in the American workplace), but because still today there are inequities that need to be addressed, including equal pay for equal work and discrimination against women who choose to become mothers and work.

Lynn writes about the women’s lives (with their permission) who were at the center of this story and what happened to them since. She is candid about herself as well.

Lynn’s is a success story, but not all the 46 were successful despite their intelligence and talent. Plagued by prejudice and personal pressures, some became casualties after the struggle.

Lynn shows how changes in the law did not change everything, and she reflects on what needs still to be addressed if justice and fairness are to prevail.

Just Imagine – Parashat B’reishit

12 Friday Oct 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Divrei Torah, Ethics, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life

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One of the most important verses in all of Torah appears in this week’s Torah portion B’reishit: “And God said: Let us make the human being in our image, after our likeness” (Vayomer Elohim, naaseh Adam b’tzalmeinu kidmuteinu…” (Genesis 1:26).

Notice that God seems to be speaking to others, but who? The Midrash imagines this conversation between God and the only other beings with whom the Divine could possibly be talking – the heavenly host, or angels:

“Rabbi Simon said: When the Holy One, blessed be God, came to create Adam, the ministering angels formed themselves into groups and parties, some of them saying, ‘Let the human be created,’ while others urged, Let the human not be created.’ Thus it is written, ‘Love (Chesed) and Truth (Emet) fought each other, ‘Righteousness’ (Tzedek) and ‘Peace’ (Shalom) combated each other’ (Ps. 85:11). Love said, ‘Let [Adam] be created, because he will dispense acts of love (g’milut chassadim)’; Truth said, ‘Let [Adam] not be created, because he is filled through and through with lies’ (sh’karim); ‘Righteousness’ said, ‘ Let [Adam] be created, because he will perform righteous deeds’ (tz’dakot); ‘Peace’ said, ‘Let [Adam] not be created, because he is full of strife (k’tatah)”’ … Rabbi Huna the Elder of Sepphoris, said: While the ministering angels were arguing … the Holy One, blessed be God, created [Adam]. Said God: ‘What can you do? The human has already been made!’” (B’reishit Rabbah 8:5)

To review – the angels of “Truth” and “Peace” were against the creation of the human being because they knew that we mortals would lie and fight each other in battles large and small.

The angels of “Love” and “Righteousness” favored our creation because they knew that we would perform deeds of loving-kindness (g’milut chassadim) and acts of righteousness (tzedek).

In the end, God sided with “Love” and “Righteousness” and Adam Harishon (i.e. the First Human) was created.

“Truth” and “Peace” were right, however, because we are prone to lying and fighting, to intolerance of the “other,” hard-heartedness, self-centeredness and small-mindedness.

And “Love” and “Righteousness” were also right because we can be compassionate, empathic, generous, humble, and kind.

The story is told that once the Baal Shem Tov summoned Sammael, the Lord of demons, because of some important matter that he wished to command Sammael to do, but Sammael resisted. So the BESHT told his disciples to bare their foreheads to Sammael, and on every forehead, the Lord of demons saw inscribed the sign of the image in which God creates the human being – B’tzelem Elohim.

Sammael was disarmed, and then agreed to do the BESHT’s bidding, but asked humbly and beseechingly before departing, “Oh children of the living God, permit me to stay here just a little longer and gaze upon your foreheads.” (Tales of the Hasidim, Martin Buber, Book 1, p. 77).

I encounter people every day, some with open and kind hearts, and some self-centered and mean-spirited. This story and the verse upon which it is based (Genesis 1:26) remind us who we are and before Whom we stand.

When those before me are kind, generous, inclusive, and loving, I see the words B’tzelem Elohim flowing from their every pore. When they are not, still I search for the sign of God on their foreheads, strive to treat them as if those sacred words are apparent, and I imagine what kind of world we would have if we looked for that sign in everyone we meet.

Shabbat shalom!

What Mitt Romney and Lance Armstrong Have In Common!

11 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Ethics, Quote of the Day

≈ 1 Comment

Mitt Romney’s constant rewriting of his history and the story about Lance Armstrong’s massive cheating scandal (see link below – New York Times, “Details of Doping Scheme Paint Armstrong as Leader”) both demonstrate the truth of Mark Twain’s quip: “Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.”

Of Armstrong, the Times says “…the evidence put forth by the antidoping agency drew a picture of Armstrong as an infamous cheat, a defiant liar and a bully who pushed others to cheat with him so he could succeed…”

Given Romney’s history (recall his bullying of his college classmate and his behavior as the head of Bain Capital in firing thousands of people from their jobs after deceiving them that he had come to save their companies), the statement about Armstrong could just as easily be made about Romney.

Despite some good that both men have done (Armstrong’s cancer research advocacy and Romney’s Massachusetts health care legislation) they both lack character.

A few apt thoughts to ponder:

“If you want to see what a person is made of, see how he behaves in a position of authority.” (Yugoslavian folk saying)

“The measure of a person’s character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.” (Thomas Macauley)

“Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, and only character endures.” (Horace Greeley)

For us who yearn for heroes to emulate good leadership and good character, a warning:

“Show me the person you honor, and I will know what kind of person you are.” (Thomas Carlyle)

The NY Times Armstrong link: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/11/sports/cycling/agency-details-doping-case-against-lance-armstrong.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20121011

Torah Can Come to Us From Anywhere – Even a Barber’s Chair

07 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Jewish Life, Divrei Torah, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Jewish History, Jewish-Christian Relations, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life, Social Justice, Stories

≈ 1 Comment

It isn’t often that the Torah portion of the week and my getting a haircut coincide, but it did last week.

For years Susie Polin has cut my hair. She has a huge heart, is a artist who cuts hair for a living and a Sephardic Jew whose family origins are from Greece.

Last week’s Shabbat Torah portion included Exodus 34:6-7 (for Chol Hamoed Sukkot):

“Adonai, Adonai, El rachum v’chanun, erech apayim, v’rav chesed v’emet: notzeir chesed la-alaphim nose avon vafesha, v’chataah v’nakeh”

“Adonai! Adonai! A God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, extending kindness to the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin…”

Susie has lived in the Pico-Fairfax neighborhood of Los Angeles for many years. Once a Jewish neighborhood, by the time she moved there it was African-American and she was “the only white Jewish girl” in the neighborhood. Nevertheless, she became close to her neighbors, especially the people next door. Five months ago the elderly woman who lived there died leaving her husband Johnny alone. Johnny had worked for many years for the LA Unified School District and had come into contact with asbestos, which sealed his fate.

After his wife died, Susie asked if she could do anything for him as he too was infirm. “Thanks Susie – I’m alright!”

“Do you have enough food in the house,” she asked.

“I’m good every day except Tuesday.”

“You can count on me, Johnny, to bring you dinner each Tuesday,” she generously offered.

So every Tuesday for the past four months Susie brought Johnny dinner that she bought at the local Gelsons take-out stand. When she explained to the Gelsons’ workers that she’d be back every week to buy dinner for Johnny, they gave her double the food at the same price, food that lasted Johnny for days.

One day, Johnny asked, “Susie – is ‘Jew’ and ‘Jewish’ the same?”

“Yes!” she said.

“What’s Jewish?”

Susie explained that to be Jewish means to follow the Bible’s commandments and to do deeds of loving-kindness for others. It’s all about love,” she explained, “because God wants us to love each other.”

“I love you, Susie.”

“I love you too, Johnny!”

Johnny died two weeks ago. When the day of his funeral arrived, Susie drove to the black church in South LA and was the first to arrive. She entered the church and sat down. As his family, many friends and care-takers arrived, those who knew her greeted her like a she was a member of their family. Soon everyone heard what Susie had done for Johnny, and that she was a Jew.

When she told me about her experience I was reminded of the famous story in the Midrash (D’varim Rabba 3:3):

“Rabbi Shimon ben Shetach one day commissioned his disciples to buy him a camel from an Arab. When they brought him the animal, they gleefully announced that they had found a precious stone in its collar. ‘Did the seller know of this gem?’ asked the Master. On being answered in the negative, he called out angrily, ‘Do you think me a barbarian that I should take advantage of the letter of the law by which the gem is mine together with the camel? Return the gem to the Arab immediately.’ When the Arab received it back, he exclaimed: ‘Blessed be the God of Shimon ben Shetach! Blessed be the God of Israel.”

I told this story about Susie and Johnny on Friday night to my congregation. There were many children present including our 6^th grade Day School students and their Israeli exchange student friends from the Tzahalah Elementary School in north Tel Aviv.

I explained to them that we are all more than just individuals. We are part of a family, a people and a religious tradition, and what we say and do outside our homes and immediate communities not only reflect back on us, but also on our families and the Jewish people.

The way we treat others, whoever they are, Jews, Christians, Muslims, blacks, Latinos, Asians, Palestinians, immigrants, the poor, the powerless, strangers, the people with whom we work, the people who work for us, tells more about who we are and what we value than anything we say we believe.

Susie Polin is a special woman who gives of her heart and soul continually to others. Through her loving deeds the good name of the Jewish people and the God of Israel was enhanced in Johnny’s community, for Susie may have been the only Jew that Johnny and many in his community ever knew up close.

Torah can come to us at any time and in any place, even the barber’s chair.

Chag Sameach!

America’s and Israel’s “Red-Lines” on Iran’s March to Building a Bomb

04 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in American Politics and Life, Ethics, Israel/Zionism

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In the past year President Barack Obama and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu have conferred continuously about when Iran’s nuclear bomb program should be “disrupted” by military action should economic and political sanctions not succeed in halting Iran’s march to build a bomb.

They agree that Iran cannot be allowed to acquire nuclear weapons. They disagree when action should be taken.

PM Netanyahu has urged that the “red line” for attack be when Iran has the capacity to make a nuclear bomb. The United States’ “red line” will be crossed when Iran actually decides to make a bomb.

J Street (a pro-Israel pro-peace political and educational organization in Washington, D.C.) has made a video in which Director of Government Affairs Dylan Williams explains what it takes to make a bomb and the details of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s “red line.”

I urge you to take 3 minutes to watch it.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/10/03/explainng-enrichment.html

Rabbi John Rosove's Blog

Category Archives: Ethics

On Forgiveness and Reconciliation Between Individuals and Nations

Dump Donald Trump Campaign

Just Imagine – Parashat B’reishit

What Mitt Romney and Lance Armstrong Have In Common!

America’s and Israel’s “Red-Lines” on Iran’s March to Building a Bomb