Category Archives: Health and Well-Being

“Open Heart” by Elie Wiesel – Book Review

03 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by in Book Recommendations, Health and Well-Being, Jewish History, Life Cycle, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life, Uncategorized

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This little volume reminds me of a conversation once between Picasso and an art critique who asked the Master how long it took him to draw a piece that had only a few lines evoking the image of a man. Picasso said, “A life-time.”

So too is Elie Wiesel’s new book in which he reflects on the meaning of his life following emergency open heart surgery on June 16, 2011.

The volume is vintage Elie Wiesel. The writing is simple, the scope sweeping.

Upon awakening from the anesthetic he remembers thinking “…I am not dead yet. What does being resuscitated mean if not rediscovering one’s future?”

The book is a positive, optimistic expression of a grateful man. Eighty two years have not nearly been enough. He admits to having more words to write and teach, more to learn, and more love to share.

For me, Elie’s most moving passage is his description of what happened when his five year old grandson, Elijah, came to pay him a visit during his recovery: “I hug him and tell him, ‘Every time I see you, my life becomes a gift.’”

A Bit of Wisdom – Ancient and Israeli

28 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Health and Well-Being, Israel and Palestine, Israel/Zionism, Jewish History, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life, Poetry, Quote of the Day

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From my friend, Mike Rogoff (Israeli guide and translator)

Ancient Wisdom – “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. / If you are anxious, you are living in the future. / If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” (Lao Tzu -aka Laozi- 5th century BCE)

Israeli Truth – “If you are at peace, you are living in the past. / If you are anxious, you are living in the present. / If you are depressed, you are living in the future.” (Mike Rogoff, 2012)

On Forgiveness and Reconciliation Between Individuals and Nations

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by in Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Israel and Palestine

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Every year this season draws families, friends and colleagues together. There is love in the air, but also painful memories of breached trust and unresolved conflict.

The power of forgiveness, the instinct for revenge and the need for reconciliation is ever present in our lives. Forgiveness may be the most difficult challenge we ever face. For those, however, who are able to forgive and are graced by others who forgive us, we are fortunate indeed.

Rabbi Abraham Twerski, in Forgiveness – Don’t let resentment keep you captive, writes that every experience we have in our lives is stored in the memory hard drive of our subconscious. Some are harmless, some edifying and others painful. Though we may have repressed them we are, nevertheless, the sum total of those memories. We are fashioned by them and we relate to others through our memory’s lens.

Rabbi Twerski says: “With every additional year there are more provocations (major and minor) and the sum total is cumulative…when we don’t forgive an offense, it remains in the subconscious and it joins similar feelings for the various complexes to which it belongs.”

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. Forgiving does not mean excusing the bad behavior of others or forgetting that we’ve been wronged. Rather, forgiveness means letting go of the anger, resentment and need for revenge.

What if the people who hurt us or offended us have not apologized and think they were justified in what they did? Are we supposed to forgive them?

The answer is yes, not for their sake but for ours. Forgiving an offender is not about doing him a favor. Getting rid of our resentment and need for vengeance is for our own good so that those negative feelings cease to complicate our lives.

The ideal goal is reconciliation with the offending other. But this is not always possible.

I heard a moving story this week about a woman in her 70s who had not spoken with her sister in 40 years. One day out of the blue her sister called to inform her that she was dying, and before she died she wanted to see her. They met, her sister apologized for the wrong that had caused the breach and asked for forgiveness. They wept together and reconciled. After she died the surviving sister felt as though a heavy burden had been lifted from her, and the love she once felt for her sister returned.

As we encounter family, friends and colleagues during these final days of the year, perhaps now is our time to dig deeply, summon the courage, take the risk, and ask for and seek forgiveness of others.

Michael McCullough, in his book Beyond Revenge – The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct, extends the principles of interpersonal forgiveness to groups, communities and nations. He writes:

“The forgiveness instinct needs to be activated. When we do this we can change the world. Groups can be helped to forgive other groups, communities can be helped to forgive other communities, …and nations can even be helped to forgive other nations. Leaders… can offer apologies on behalf of their people to groups with whom they’ve been in conflict. They can also offer gestures that express remorse and empathy for the suffering of another group, and they can provide compensation to groups of people whom they’ve harmed – just as individuals can. When they engage in such gestures, it is often to great effect.” (p. 182-183)

Think of such gestures on the world stage that have been offered, and the effect. Pope John Paul II apologized to the Jewish people for Christendom’s participation in the Holocaust. Japanese leaders offered public apologies for war atrocities committed against China, Korea and other neighbors. The United States apologized to Japanese Americans who we interred in concentration camps during World War II. The Irish Republican Army apologized for the deaths of noncombatants during the war in northern Ireland.

Is it not time for Prime Minister Netanyahu and President Abbas to apologize on behalf of their peoples for the pain and suffering experienced by non-combatants on each side as a first step to a peaceful resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?

It is never too late. Forgiveness can come at any time.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

Torah Can Come to Us From Anywhere – Even a Barber’s Chair

07 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by in American Jewish Life, Divrei Torah, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Jewish History, Jewish-Christian Relations, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life, Social Justice, Stories

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It isn’t often that the Torah portion of the week and my getting a haircut coincide, but it did last week.

For years Susie Polin has cut my hair. She has a huge heart, is a artist who cuts hair for a living and a Sephardic Jew whose family origins are from Greece.

Last week’s Shabbat Torah portion included Exodus 34:6-7 (for Chol Hamoed Sukkot):

“Adonai, Adonai, El rachum v’chanun, erech apayim, v’rav chesed v’emet: notzeir chesed la-alaphim nose avon vafesha, v’chataah v’nakeh”

“Adonai! Adonai! A God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, extending kindness to the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin…”

Susie has lived in the Pico-Fairfax neighborhood of Los Angeles for many years. Once a Jewish neighborhood, by the time she moved there it was African-American and she was “the only white Jewish girl” in the neighborhood. Nevertheless, she became close to her neighbors, especially the people next door. Five months ago the elderly woman who lived there died leaving her husband Johnny alone. Johnny had worked for many years for the LA Unified School District and had come into contact with asbestos, which sealed his fate.

After his wife died, Susie asked if she could do anything for him as he too was infirm. “Thanks Susie – I’m alright!”

“Do you have enough food in the house,” she asked.

“I’m good every day except Tuesday.”

“You can count on me, Johnny, to bring you dinner each Tuesday,” she generously offered.

So every Tuesday for the past four months Susie brought Johnny dinner that she bought at the local Gelsons take-out stand. When she explained to the Gelsons’ workers that she’d be back every week to buy dinner for Johnny, they gave her double the food at the same price, food that lasted Johnny for days.

One day, Johnny asked, “Susie – is ‘Jew’ and ‘Jewish’ the same?”

“Yes!” she said.

“What’s Jewish?”

Susie explained that to be Jewish means to follow the Bible’s commandments and to do deeds of loving-kindness for others. It’s all about love,” she explained, “because God wants us to love each other.”

“I love you, Susie.”

“I love you too, Johnny!”

Johnny died two weeks ago. When the day of his funeral arrived, Susie drove to the black church in South LA and was the first to arrive. She entered the church and sat down. As his family, many friends and care-takers arrived, those who knew her greeted her like a she was a member of their family. Soon everyone heard what Susie had done for Johnny, and that she was a Jew.

When she told me about her experience I was reminded of the famous story in the Midrash (D’varim Rabba 3:3):

“Rabbi Shimon ben Shetach one day commissioned his disciples to buy him a camel from an Arab. When they brought him the animal, they gleefully announced that they had found a precious stone in its collar. ‘Did the seller know of this gem?’ asked the Master. On being answered in the negative, he called out angrily, ‘Do you think me a barbarian that I should take advantage of the letter of the law by which the gem is mine together with the camel?  Return the gem to the Arab immediately.’ When the Arab received it back, he exclaimed: ‘Blessed be the God of Shimon ben Shetach! Blessed be the God of Israel.”

I told this story about Susie and Johnny on Friday night to my congregation. There were many children present including our 6th grade Day School students and their Israeli exchange student friends from the Tzahalah Elementary School in north Tel Aviv.

I explained to them that we are all more than just individuals. We are part of a family, a people and a religious tradition, and what we say and do outside our homes and immediate communities not only reflect back on us, but also on our families and the Jewish people.

The way we treat others, whoever they are, Jews, Christians, Muslims, blacks, Latinos, Asians, Palestinians, immigrants, the poor, the powerless, strangers, the people with whom we work, the people who work for us, tells more about who we are and what we value than anything we say we believe.

Susie Polin is a special woman who gives of her heart and soul continually to others. Through her loving deeds the good name of the Jewish people and the God of Israel was enhanced in Johnny’s community, for Susie may have been the only Jew that Johnny and many in his community ever knew up close.

Torah can come to us at any time and in any place, even the barber’s chair.

Chag Sameach!

 

My High Holiday Sermons – 5753/2012

30 Sunday Sep 2012

Posted by in Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Jewish-Christian Relations, Life Cycle

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You can read each of my High Holiday sermons on the Temple Israel of Hollywood Website – www.tioh.org (Go to “About Us” and click “Clergy” then “From the Clergy Study”). Or click http://www.tioh.org/about-us/clergy/aboutus-clergy-clergystudy

“For a Good and Happy New Year” (Erev Rosh Hashanah) –- I contrast the primary life goals of happiness and goodness and discuss why I believe that happiness is a by-product of the pursuit of goodness. It’s my view that our attitude about our life circumstances and the choices we make are the prerequisites to attaining both a good and happy life.

“Intermarriage and the Survival of Judaism and the Jewish People” (Shacharit Rosh Hashanah) –   After more than three decades serving congregations in San Francisco, Washington, D.C. and Los Angeles I announced, to the shock and surprise of my congregation, my decision to officiate at some intermarriage ceremonies going forward. I described my struggle that led me to this change, and include at the end a post-delivery reflection on the response this sermon inspired. The Jewish Journal of Los Angeles wrote about my decision in the September 28-October 4, 2012 print edition “Rabbi Reverses Interfaith Marriage Policy” (by Julie Gruenbaum Fax, pages 27, 42) http://www.jewishjournal.com/los_angeles/article/rabbi_reverses_interfaith_marriage_policy

“The Blessing of Being Wrong” (Kol Nidre) – We are wrong far more often than most people admit thus preventing us from making necessary changes and doing t’shuvah (repentance). I discuss why I believe acknowledging wrongness is a sign of inner strength, courage and good character.

“I wish You Enough” (Yizkor) – This is a touching and insightful story about a father saying goodbye to his daughter for the last time, as first told by the motivational speaker Bob Perk.

The Measure of Our Character – Reflections on Shabbat T’shuvah

21 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by in Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Quote of the Day

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During this intense period of introspection we Jews are called upon to reflect deeply about our values as individuals and as a community, our behavior and ethical standards, and the condition of our souls. Much of the process of t’shuvah (repentance) centers on “character.”

Here are thoughts for this Shabbat T’shuvah and Yom Kippur:

“The true measure of a person is how he treats someone who can do him/her absolutely no good.” (Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784)

The measure of a person’s character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.” (Thomas Babington Macaulay, 1800-1859)

“A person of character finds a special attractiveness in difficulty, since it is only by coming to grips with difficulty that he/she can realize his/her potentialities.” (Charles de Gaulle, 1890-1970)

“What you are thunders so loudly that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882)

“Rabbi Ilai said: By three things may a person’s character be determined: By his/her cup, by his/her purse and by his/her anger (koso, kiso and kaaso – this refers to how one holds one’s liquor, spends one’s money, and expresses/controls one’s anger); and some say: By his/her laughter also.” (Bavli, Eruvin 65b)

“Good character is more important than wealth, good looks, popularity and even education. These things do not guarantee happiness and often they become obstacles to developing good character. Character is ethics in action.” (Michael Josephson, b. 1942-)

“It’s not how you come into the world, it’s how you leave it that is the measure of the man/woman.” (Edward Wahl – my late father in-law – 1916-2004)

Governor Romney’s Failure Of Character And Ours

19 Wednesday Sep 2012

Posted by in American Politics and Life, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Inuyim - Prayer reflections and ruminations, Israel and Palestine, Israel/Zionism, Quote of the Day, Social Justice

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As Governor Mitt Romney’s campaign for President collapses as a consequence of his flawed character, the following quotations help shed light on what plagues him and far too many in this country. They also offer decent people within both the Republican and Democratic parties insight into what is necessary to understand in order for us to transcend Romney’s callousness, self-centeredness, ignorance, and stupidity. Too much is at stake for this country, for peace between Israel and the Palestinians (both of whom yearn for peace!), for wise American leadership vis a vis the Iranian nuclear threat, and for the international credibility and good standing of the United States for us not to do so.

During these 10 Days of Repentance, Jews are called upon to look within themselves and judge harshly where we are flawed as Mr. Romney seems to be. The tragedy is his case is that he has deep religious faith and has been personally generous to many near him, but his open-heartedness does not extend beyond his narrow religious, social and economic circles, nor does it translate into a political philosophy that can help the most people with the least.

Having said this, we need to be careful as we judge him, for none of us is immune to the failures of character that afflict him. If we are honest with ourselves, our flaws are likely significant as well.

The following statements are apt relative to Mr. Romney and important as we gauge who is most fit for our national political leadership:

“To blame the poor for subsisting on welfare has no justice unless we are also willing to judge every rich member of society by how productive he or she is. Taken individual by individual, it is likely that there’s more idleness and abuse of government favors among the economically privileged than among the ranks of the disadvantaged.” (Norman Mailer, 1923-2007)

“Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have.” (James Baldwin, 1924-1987)

“Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” (Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1929-1968)

“A man is called selfish, not for pursuing his own good but for neglecting his neighbor’s.” (British Archbishop Richard Whately, 1787-1863)

“It is difficult to get a person to understand something when his salary [i.e. income] depends upon his not understanding it.” (Upton Sinclair, 1878-1968)

“The way to overcome the angry person is with gentleness, the evil person with goodness, the miser with generosity, and the liar with truth.” (Indian Proverb)

“The three are really one, for when justice is done, truth prevails and peace is established.” (Talmud Yerushalmi, Taanit 4:2, circa 450 C.E.)

My hopes for each of you and your dear ones:

G’mar chatimah tovah v’t’chateivu b’sefer chayim, l’shanah tovah u-m’tukah, b’ri-ut, asiyah, tikun, uv’chol maaglei chayeinu ha-ishi, hamishpachti, hamiktzo-i, v’hatzibori.

May you be sealed for goodness and written in the book of life for a good and sweet New Year, for health, activism, and restoration in all spheres of our lives, the personal, familial, professional, and public.

A Prayer As We Enter the High Holydays

14 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by in Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Inuyim - Prayer reflections and ruminations, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life, Quote of the Day

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This prayer was written by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, (aka The Alter Rebbe), author of The Tanya:

“Dear God – You commanded us that we should ‘know today, and put it back into our hearts, that You are God – in Heaven above and Earth below – there is nothing else,’ and I’m asking You to help me, to keep my mind really clear, that I might see Your workings in the universe, to feel that You are the life that is invigorating me in this very moment.”

(Cited in A Hidden Light: Stories and Teachings of Early HaBaD and Bratzlav Hasidism, by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi and Netanel Miles-Yepez, with a forward by Susannah Heschel, p. 102)

Life Lessons For Elul – 2012

06 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by in Health and Well-Being, Holidays, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life

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Soren Kierkegaard said: “It is perfectly true, as philosophers say, that life must be understood backwards. But they forget the other proposition, that it must be lived forwards.”

Though we are always living forward, the life lessons we learn helps to shape our future. Since this is the season of self-examination leading to Rosh Hashanah in 9 days, I offer to you a list of 32 life lessons I’ve learned in my nearly 63 years – there are others, but the number 32 is a significant one in the mystical tradition. It equals the 22 letters of the Hebrew aleph bet plus the 10 “words” of the covenant, and it is the number equivalent for the Hebrew word Lev (lamed – beit), heart, which the mystics teach are the number of pathways to God.

I offer the following, some of which I’ve borrowed gratefully from a 90 year old lady named Regina Brett and published in the Plain Dealer from Cleveland, Ohio (in italics).

They are not necessarily a way to God, but a means to a healthier, wiser and more sacred way of living, at least as I’ve come to believe in them. I encourage you to draw up your own list.

1. God gave us life and our natural abilities only – everything else is either up to us or a result of dumb luck.

2. Life isn’t always fair, but it’s still good.

3. Life is short, so cut your losses early.

4. Begin planning for retirement as a teen-ager by developing your passions and interests, for they will sustain you when you get old.

5. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up your present.

6. You don’t have to win every argument, so at a certain point stop arguing.

7. Love your spouse above all other people and things. If you aren’t married, then nurture the special friendships in your life.

8. Don’t compare your life to anyone else’s as you have no idea what their journey has been all about.

9. If you can’t publish what you want to say or do on the front page of The NY Times, then don’t say or do it.

10. Try not to speak ill of anyone else, but if you must, do so only with trusted friends and then only in order to understand better how to cope better with people like that.

11. Don’t procrastinate seeing doctors. It may save your life.

12. Carpe diem. Take pleasure in this day and do that which inspires you for we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

13. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

14. Breathe deeply as it calms the heart, mind, body, and soul.

15. Take your shoes off whenever possible as studies indicate that doing so will prolong your life.

16. Too much alcohol and drugs dull the mind and loosen the lips compelling us to say things we may mean but don’t want said and to say things we may not mean at all.

17. Get a dog or a cat for the love for and from such a creature is unlike anything else you will ever know.

18. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.

19. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

20. Speak the truth but only when you know you can be effective and only if it doesn’t cause another person unnecessary harm or hurt. Otherwise, just be quiet.

21. Stand up to bullies wherever they are and whenever you encounter them.

22. Time really does heal almost everything.

23. Don’t fear or resist change for it is natural, necessary and an opportunity for growth.

24. Love is not just a matter of the heart – it comes from God.

25. Learn Torah as often as possible – it will enrich, change and enhance your life and it will inspire you to do things you might never choose to do otherwise.

26. Being outdoors is almost always better than being indoors.

27. Don’t envy anyone else’s talent, circumstances or life – you already have everything you require.

28. Be modest.

29. Be forgiving.

30. Be kind.

31. Be generous.

32. Be grateful.

Now, let’s live our lives forward.

Shabbat Shalom!

 

“Ayeka? Where are You?” A D’var Torah for Parashat Shoftim

24 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by in Divrei Torah, Health and Well-Being, Inuyim - Prayer reflections and ruminations, Musings about God/Faith/Religious life, Stories

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This story is told by Howard Schwartz who based it on the tale by Zevulon Qort from Ben Zion Asherov of Afghanistan (I have edited his original telling):

“There was once a Jew who went out into the world to fulfill the Biblical commandment – Tzedek tzedek tirdof [Deut. 26:20] – ‘Justice, justice shall you pursue.’ 

Many years passed until the man had explored the entire known world except for one last, great forest. He entered the forest and came upon a cave of thieves who mocked him, saying: ‘Do you expect to find justice here?’ Then he went into the huts of witches, and they too laughed at him: ‘Do you expect to find justice here?’

At last he arrived at a fragile clay hut, and through the window he saw many flickering flames and wondered why they were burning. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Then he pushed the door open and stepped inside.

As soon as he entered, he realized that the hut was much larger than it had appeared from the outside. He saw hundreds of shelves and on every shelf there were dozens of oil candles.  Some of the candles were sitting in holders of gold, silver, or marble, and some were in cheap holders of clay or tin. Some were filled with oil with straight wicks and bright burning flames. Others had little oil left and were about to sputter out.

An old man in a white robe and white beard stood before him, and said: ‘Shalom Aleichem, my son. How can I help you?’ And the Jew said: “Aleichem shalom. I have gone everywhere, searching for justice but never have I seen anything like this. Tell me, what are all these candles?”

The old man said: “Each is the candle of a person’s soul.” As it says in Proverbs 20:27 – Ner Yah nishmat Adam – ‘The candle of God is the human soul.’ As long as that person remains alive the candle burns; but, when the person’s soul takes leave of this world, the candle burns out.’

The Jew who sought justice said: ‘Can you show me the candle of my soul?’ And the old man said: ‘Follow me.’

He led the Jew through that labyrinth of a cottage. At last they reached a low shelf, and there the old man pointed to a candle in a clay holder and said, ‘That is the candle of your soul.’

A great fear fell upon him for its wick was very short with little oil remaining. Was it possible for the end to be so near without his knowing it? Then he noticed the candle next to his own full of oil, long and straight, its flame burning brightly.

‘Whose candle is that?’ he asked.

‘I can only reveal each person’s candle to him or herself alone,’ the old man said, and he turned and left.

The Jew stood there staring at his candle, then heard a sputtering sound, and when he looked up, he saw smoke rising from another shelf, and he knew that somewhere someone was no longer among the living. He looked back at his own candle, then he turned to the candle next to his own, so full of oil, and a terrible thought entered his mind.

He searched for the old man, but didn’t see him. Then he lifted the candle next to his own and held it above his own, and all at once the old man appeared, gripped powerfully his arm, and said: ‘Is THIS the kind of justice you seek?’

The Jew closed his eyes from the pain caused by the old man’s iron grip, and when he opened them the old man was gone, the cottage and candles had disappeared, and he stood alone in the forest, and heard the trees whispering his fate.”

This story is not just about justice but about who we are, what we believe and how we behave. Indeed, unless we are through and through committed to the highest moral and religious principles of our tradition, we cannot bring about a more just and compassionate world.

The month of Elul that began this past Saturday night brings each of us into a great forest of our own. In the Garden of Eden God called to Adam Ayeka (Where are you?). That question is addressed to every Jew, especially now, and we have to respond ourselves, for like Adam, there is no place to hide. What is inside each of our hearts and souls must be a reflection of the deeds we perform, and hopefully they will be based upon compassion and justice.

Shabbat shalom!