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10 Suggestions for Elul

07 Sunday Sep 2025

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

health, meditation, mental-health, mindfulness, wellness

This Hebrew month of Elul is the “get ready” month before the High Holidays commence, this year on the evening of September 23. It can be a period of corrective generally and specifically in these challenging times. The more we do in advance of the holidays, the more we can benefit during that most intensive period of introspection that the upcoming “Days of Awe” offer us.

A number of years ago, ala David Letterman, I offered to my congregation 10 suggestions in descending order (but not necessarily in importance) to help us in our Elul process of teshuvah (loosely translated “repentance”) leading up to the High Holydays. I reread them this week, and thought to offer them again, with adjustments.

#10 – Break your daily routine in some small way. Identify one bad habit you want to break in this next year (don’t try and do more than one because habits are hard to break, and if we’re successful in doing one, we will feel satisfied and a true sense of agency). If you find yourself, for example, being critical of everyone around you, stop yourself, at least some of the time and think of their good qualities. If you are holding onto anger, resentment, and hurt because of something someone did to you once upon a time, work hard to just let it go. If your words are overly coarse and you find yourself too often resorting to explosions of expletives, language you would never say in front of a child or your mother, strive to stop using it.

#9 – Take your shoes off the first chance you get and at every opportunity. Remember what God told Moses? “Remove your sandals from your feet for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” (Exodus 3:5) A study reported years ago in USA Today revealed that those who habitually kick off their shoes under the dining-room table, desk or pew tend to live three years longer than the average American. Think of the feet as a metaphor for the soul. Feet bound for too long begin to stink. Cloistered souls not allowed the light of consciousness pick up spiritual sludge and keep the divine light from shining.

#8 – Meditate – According to the American Institute on Stress, 75-90% of all visits to primary care physicians are for stress-related complaints. Meditation is nothing more than a means to become more aware and conscious of ourselves and our environment. A meditative state can be achieved at any time during the day, when listening to or making music, looking at or creating fine art, reading or writing a book or poetry, exercising, taking a walk, or sitting still. Meditation trains us in how to listen better to what is happening within and around us, how to be present and less distracted with our loved ones, to identify our deeper truths and thereby be more honest, straightforward and, hopefully, more kind.

#7 – Exercise each day – Impose upon yourself the discipline to walk, swim, ride a bicycle, do a workout, Tai-chi, Yoga, or Pilates, and keep your body toned. Whenever possible, don’t take elevators or escalators. Walk the stairs. When looking for a place to park, don’t take the closest space to your destination. Park at the far end of a parking lot and force yourself to walk the extra distance. The number of calories we burn in these simple acts will result in the loss of pounds over the course of a year (assuming you eat less too). It will also lower your heart rate, reduce your blood pressure, create a healthier physique, and enable us to feel a greater sense of well-being.

#6 – Do one “wild” thing each day, such as: 

  • Eat ice cream instead of frozen yogurt. 
  • Don’t hesitate to eat chocolate anything.
  • Leave your checking account un-reconciled – but after a couple of weeks, reconcile it or you’ll get into trouble.
  • Buy a loved one a gift for no good reason at unexpected times.
  • Laugh more.
  • Stretch every morning, at your desk and everywhere in the middle of the day.
  • Sing in the shower.
  • Scream in your car.
  • Talk to yourself in public and don’t worry that someone may tag you as deranged.
  • Say hello and smile at a stranger.
  • Be kind for no reason. 
  • Let the guy cut in front of you in traffic, and if you are walking and a driver let’s you pass in front of their car, wave a thank you as you pass by.
  • Pet a dog (or cat) and look into its eyes – it is as sweet a sight as you are ever likely to see.
  • Ride a horse.
  • Play golf, tennis anything!
  • Take a wave or walk into a beautiful natural setting.

#5 – Learn to say “No” more often, especially when you are feeling overtaxed and exhausted. As Thoreau said – “Simplify, simplify, simplify” your life and spend more time doing the things that feed your soul, give you spiritual strength and help you feel closer to the people you love. Read great literature. Find the great teachers who open the soul and heart. Do more mitzvot that require pure motives and accentuate kindness, and do not do anything thinking that you will benefit by something in return. Do it lishma – for its own sake.

#4 – Give tzedakah and do acts of gemilut chassadim (Loving Kindness) to every beggar on the street or at freeway off-ramps and don’t question their motives or worthiness. Visit or call someone who is ill or alone. Physically touch and hug an elderly person who might not have been touched in a very long while. Be kind and generous at all times.

#3 – Strengthen a friendship with someone you’ve been meaning to get to know better – don’t stop yourself from expressing your gratitude to the people you care about – say it to them out loud and often whenever you feel so moved.

#2 – Make a commitment to challenge your mind, especially if you are older – learn a language, do puzzles, fill out cross-word puzzles, learn to play a musical instrument, read about something you have wanted to learn and understand but never had the time before.

#1 – Read great Jewish literature and deepen your understanding of at least one great Jewish book, writer or scholar, such as: The Hebrew Bible; Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel; Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks. While you are at it, avoid social media as much as is reasonable.

I wish you well in fulfilling one or more of the above. May it be time well spent as together we enter the New Year with the goal of bringing greater kindness and wholeness (Heb: shleimut) into the world. 

L’shanah tovah to you all!

Like an Old Car

16 Friday May 2025

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

family, health, healthcare, life, mental-health

As we age, we’re like old cars – hopefully classic cars – but regardless of whether we regard ourselves as old Chevy’s or Cadillacs, the reality is that just as those jalopies break down and need replacement parts and tune-ups to keep running effectively, so too is it for each of us.

I passed my 75th birthday last December, and though I feel good enough, the reality of aging is ever-present and something I don’t take for granted.

I first got the shock of my life at the age of 59 when I was diagnosed with a relatively advanced stage of prostate cancer. I had surgery to remove it and then I had to confront (for the first time in my life) that had modern science, a great doctor and competent and compassionate nurses not taken care of me, I would have died young, like my father before me who succumbed to his second heart attack at the age of 53.

As I’ve aged, I think much more than ever before about my parents, aunts and uncles, and grandparents too, and the maladies of aging they experienced in their generations. Thanks to medical research and development in so many areas of bodily and mental health over many decades, longevity and good health have increased in modern societies if we’re treated, that is, by competent physicians, nurse practitioners, nurses, psychiatrists, psychologists, and state-of-the-science hospitals and clinics. How we take care of ourselves, how much exercise we do each day, whether we eat well and in moderation, forgo alcohol and drugs, get adequate sleep, enjoy positive mutually supportive relationships with family and friends, control our stress levels, do productive and creative work, have good genes, and get appropriate bio-medical support – all taken together – make a substantial difference in our quality of life, happiness and contentment, health, energy and longevity.

I regard my body and mind often like the first car I co-owned with my brother – a 1955 Chevy. I loved that car, and when Barbara and I led a congregational tour to Cuba years ago, seeing those 1950s models rumble along on the streets of Havana, held together by spit and wire, made me happy and nostalgic for my early years.

Last week, after returning from an overseas trip, to catch up on my health issues, I saw a different doctor every day. But – whether I complain about the effort it takes to go to one physician after another, given my respect for their competence, expertise and treatment, I much prefer that to the alternative. I used to say when I played golf regularly, especially when I had a mediocre hitting day that was frustrating no matter what I did to make adjustments in my focus, stance and swing: “Better this side of the grass.”

I depend now more than ever on the expertise of those physicians and the bio-medical assistance they prescribe to sustain me as a positive thinking half-glass-full 75 year-old Jew that I now am, a positive quality that propelled me from my youngest years to be productive and to find meaning in my life. I’m grateful not only to them, but most especially to my family, friends and community. They sustain and inspire me.

May we all “live long and prosper,” and be for each of us the embodiment of wisdom, strength, love and support that we can offer to one another.

Al Tid’ag – Don’t Worry

26 Thursday Sep 2024

Posted by rabbijohnrosove in Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

education, health, healthcare, hospital, surgery

Before I share with you an extraordinary surgery experience I had, I want to emphasize that I’m okay and will be fine in about a week.

For the past four months I’ve had continuous bronchial problems, a strong colored phlegm-filled cough and a head cold. At last my doctor put me on antibiotics, but they didn’t clear up my symptoms. He suggested that I see a pulmonologist (lungs). The pulmonologist was convinced that my problem wasn’t based in my chest and lungs (though they were secondarily affected), but in my sinuses, and that I should be examined by an Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) doctor. To be certain, my pulmonologist ordered scans of my chest and head and passed them along to my ENT physician who showed me the scan of my head on a computer screen. He pointed out that there are two large sinus cavities behind my forehead, eyes, cheek, and jaw that show up as black on the screen if they are normal and open. I was more or less fine on the left side – black. On the right side, there was no black at all indicating that my sinuses there were impacted. He told me I had one of two treatment choices: a three-week regimen of antibiotics, that he was certain wouldn’t solve my problem, or surgery.

I asked what would the surgery entail. He explained that it would be done in 1.5 to 2 hours under general anesthesia. He would insert a probe into my nostrils with a small light and camera at the end of it, and he would drain and remove any polyps that might be there. It was an out-patient procedure and I would go home the same day.

When he explained, I cringed. Sorry for passing along the specifics, my gentle readers, but I wanted you to get the full picture.

I asked him, “If this were you – what would you do?”

 “Surgery,” he said.

“Ok – how soon can you do this?”

“The soonest is in 3 weeks.” We scheduled the surgery for yesterday, September 25 first thing in the morning.

Over the following two weeks after my decision, I got all the pre-op check-ups that were required from my internist and cardiologist. My son David, picked me up at 6 am for a 7 am call time at the Marina del Rey Hospital, a site associated with Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Everyone from admissions to the nurses who prepped me were wonderful – kind, inquisitive and helpful as they explained everything I needed to know.

At 9 am, my RN nurse came into the room, a lovely masked young woman named Ronah with a Magen David hanging on a necklace around her neck.

She said, “I see on your chart that you are a rabbi. I’m Jewish too.”

“I know,” I said. I see your Magen David.

“I’m Sephardi,” she said. “My parents are Iraqi and Moroccan and we lived in Israel when I was young. My boyfriend is a Persian Jew.” She spoke English with an American accent.

“Do you remember your Hebrew,” I asked.

“Ken – betach – yes – of course,” she said. From then on we spoke only in Hebrew, which relaxed me – somewhat.

“Eich atah margish – How are you feeling?” she asked as we entered the OR and she placed the oxygen mask over my face.

“Ani chosesh chareda harbeh – I’m feeling very anxious,” I answered.

She took my hand gently and held it until I drifted into unconsciousness. The last words I heard her say were “Al tid’ag  – Don’t worry.”

There were 7 people in the OR including my doctor and the anesthesiologist. Before I drifted into unconsciousness, I said to everyone: “Thank you for all you are about to do.”

When I awoke, the recovery nurse, named Liv, couldn’t have been kinder as well. The doctor told me that everything went perfectly well, that he removed all the fluid in my sinus cavity and polyps that likely were cause of the impaction. Barbara came into the recovery room smiling at me, asked my nurse all the questions Barbara needed to know to care for me over the following days, and an hour later Liv wheeled me to the valet. I stood and tentatively got into the car (I was feeling woozy), and we drove home.

The anesthesia high (like a drug trip) and the painkillers stayed with me until the evening. The combination plus another painkiller afforded me an intense feeling of physical well-being, but I knew well that the next few days would be likely the toughest after the anesthesia wore off. My kids were texting me and I spoke with them later in the day.

My feeling of gratitude for the love of my family and the great medical care, for the kindness of every nurse who cared for me, my doctor and anesthesiologist (a woman from Iran – I spoke to her with the few Farsi words I learned long ago – which delighted her), and every single nurse, especially Ronah and Liv, and my ENT doctor and anesthesiologist, will stay with me always.

I intend to write a letter to Cedars-Sinai and ask that everyone who attended to me receive a copy of my letter so they know how grateful I feel towards them.

Many years ago, when I had prostate cancer surgery, I bought a two-pound box of Sees dark chocolate creams and had it open in my hospital room. I offered a piece to everyone who came in. I remember one very large man, a custodian, who was quietly taking out the trash from my room late at night. I asked him his name. He told me (I’ve forgotten it now), and I said, “Want a chocolate?”

He looked at me like I was nuts.

I said, “Really. Take one.”

He happily did so. I then said, “Take two more – they’re here for you and everyone who visits me or has a job to do in my room. Tell everyone they are welcome to come on in whenever they need a chocolate fix.”

He said, “Thank you bro – no patient has ever done this before.”

I said, “Bro – I’m so grateful that you all saved my life. This is the least I can do in return.”

He smiled and went on his way.

Gratitude (Hebrew – הכרת הטוב – literally, “recognition of/knowing the good”) has always come easily to me. I learned this foundational value from an early age from my parents and its ability to create close relationships. I don’t regard it as a quid pro quo – just as an attitude of the heart towards others who are kind and generous. Both of our sons (now 39 and 34) are the same way, and our son and daughter in-law are teaching that value to our grandchildren (ages five and a-half and two and a-half).

Post-op, I’m doing now everything the doctor and nurses told me to do – sinus rinsing, no strenuous exercise except easy walking around the house, taking the painkiller as needed.

I wanted to write this blog while I was still in the thrall of my experience with such kind medical professionals because I believe what I have experienced and felt has a strong common take-away for us all.

I know that the best hospitals (here in LA include Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and the Reagan Hospital at UCLA where I’m a patient – there are other great hospitals in LA too) are in stiff competition with one another for patients, donor and government grants, etc. Patient service is a high priority for both moral and pragmatic reasons. But, that pragmatism doesn’t negate the importance of kindness of staff who have devoted their lives in service to others.

In advance of the surgery, I received at least 6 texts reminding me what to do, as well as 3 phone calls checking from my doctor’s office and the hospital going over details and asking if I understood everything. I also received by email a packet of materials to read that covered the pre-op period, the surgery itself, the immediate post-op tasks I needed to remember to do and not do, and the two post-op appointments in the next two weeks. I should be 100 percent recovered in a week, a day before the onset of Rosh Hashanah 5785.

One of the things I’m also grateful for is Medicare. Everything I experienced was covered 100 percent (except, of course, the premiums). But, I know there are still so many Americans who don’t have adequate health insurance, though the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) has dramatically embraced millions of Americans.

I remember asking a nurse 15 years ago immediately after I was in recovery from my cancer surgery (it is now completely controlled by medication), “What do people do who don’t have insurance?”

“They die,” she said matter-of-factly.

One day, everyone (hopefully) will benefit as I’ve benefited from our health care system and all the doctors, nurses, orderlies, custodians, and hospital staff who have treated me with such kindness and professionalism.

Ralph H. Blum (1932-2016), a cultural anthropologist and author, offered this insight: “There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy.”

How right he was.

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