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Creating Tabernacles of the Heart and Community – D’var Torah T’rumah

31 Friday Jan 2014

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Three of our greatest Jewish philosophers and scholars of early 20th century German life were Martin Buber, Franz Rozenzweig and Benno Jacob, and all noticed the parallel between the story of the Creation in the Book of Genesis and the building of the Tabernacle in the Book of Exodus, the latter of which is the focus of this week’s Torah portion, Trumah. Here are some of those parallels:

“Thus the heaven and earth were finished and all the host of them.” (Genesis) – “Thus was finished all the work of the Tabernacle at the tent of meeting.” (Exodus)

“And God finished on the seventh day all the work of divine creation.” (Genesis) – “And Moses finished the work.” (Exodus)

“And God made the firmament.” (Genesis) – “And let them make Me a sanctuary.” (Exodus)

“And God rested on the seventh day.” (Genesis) – “And the seventh day God called unto Moses out of the midst of the cloud and Moses entered into the midst of the cloud.” (Exodus)

“And God saw everything that God had made.” (Genesis) – “And Moses saw all the work.” (Exodus)

“And God blessed the seventh day.” (Genesis) – “And Moses blessed them.” (Exodus)

Comparing verses from the narratives shines a light on the co-relation between Creation and the structure that would house the tablets of the law during the period of wandering, the Tabernacle. We soon learn the purpose of this sacred structure: “V’asu li mikdash v’shachanti b’tocham – Make for me a Sanctuary and I will dwell amongst them – lit. in them.”(Exodus 25:8)

The Kabbalah sees hints of deeper truths about the Mishkan (the in-dwelling Place of God amongst the people) using number symbolism. For example, the verb “asah – makes” appears ten times in the Genesis creation narrative, and twenty-two times in the story of the building of the Sanctuary (Exodus 25).

The number ten is commonly associated with the Ten Commandments, but also it points to the Ten Emanations (S’firot) of God in the Kabbalistic picture of the universe.

The number twenty-two are the number of letters of the Hebrew aleph bet that rabbinic tradition teaches are the basic building blocks of language and of the created world.

Adding ten and twenty-two brings us to thirty-two, (Lamed-bet – or “Lev”), meaning “heart”. In Jewish mystical literature, the “heart” is the place of intuitive wisdom, and Kaballah teaches that there are 32 pathways to wisdom, that is, to God’s own heart.

Heady stuff all! So, what does it mean for us in real-world terms?

The purpose of the Mishkan isn’t just to house God’s Name. The greater purpose is tikun (the healing of a human life – tikun hanefesh – and the restoration of the world – tikun haolam).

During the period of wandering the Mishkan became a traveling Mt. Sinai. Eventually the structure was carried to the City of David and eventually rested above in the new Temple of Solomon. Following the destruction of both Temples, the Mishkan, holding the sacred scroll of the law, was carried into exile so that whenever Jews read Torah publicly they would be spiritually transported to Sinai again, as at the beginning when God first appeared on the mountain.

The Mishkan, therefore is the Place of God and the community’s place, of transcendence and engagement, of vision and ethical responsibility, of love, compassion, justice, truth, and peace.

Synagogues today are our Mishkenot. Each human life is a Mishkan. Our purpose, is to become a holy vessel, as Rebbe Nachman of Bratzlav explains:

“The Divine presence is always flowing into the world, but we need an inner vessel to receive it. That’s created through the act of giving (t’rumah), because when the heart opens to give freely….a vessel is made.”

The act of giving not only sustains a community, it creates a community of like-minded people bonded together who care about the greater purposes for which we as Jews live. Building sanctuaries for the Jewish people, sustaining our fellows (Jews and everyone else as well) in all the ways that they need, supporting causes that advocate for peace, promote knowledge, education, medical care, and and basic human decency, all are included in this greatest of all commandments – “V’asu li mikdash v’shachanti b’tocham – Make for me a Sanctuary and I will dwell amongst them – lit. in them.”(Exodus 25:8)

Shabbat shalom!

Ariel Sharon – Among Israel’s Greatest Leaders – z’l

12 Sunday Jan 2014

Posted by in Israel and Palestine, Israel/Zionism, Jewish History, Uncategorized

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How does one eulogize the passing of an Israeli Prime Minister, especially one who was so colorful a personality, so great a general, so influential a national leader, and so committed to the security and viability of the democratic state of Israel as Ariel Sharon?

I saw Ariel Sharon twice, though I never met him. The first time he was leaving in a hurry, almost running out of the King David Hotel after having met with US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger in the mid-1970s during Kissinger’s shuttle diplomacy after the 1973 Yom Kippur War. The second time was when I had joined a delegation of American Reform Rabbis in 1998 to meet with PM Netanyahu and urge him not to bend to the ultra-Orthodox on changing Israel’s “Law of Return” to exclude Jews as Israeli citizens who had converted to Judaism with Reform and Conservative Rabbis. Sharon was walking through the halls of the Knesset and he glanced at us knowing who we were and why we were there, as the news of our mission were headlines throughout our stay.

He was a huge distinctive charismatic and handsome man Israelis nicknamed “HaShamen” (“The fat one”) – and he was indeed.

Despite Sharon’s mixed history, I became a fan – I admit it. I liked his spirit even if I disliked what he did in Lebanon and his settlement policies. I consider him a bonafide hero because he saved the state of Israel from destruction in the 1973 War of Yom Kippur.

My friend and congregant, Eli Yoel, was a commander of Israel’s Navy Seals in the Sinai before, during and after that terrible war. General Sharon, though not Eli’s immediate commander, ordered Eli nevertheless to prepare his men to cross the Suez Canal by laying down a bridge and fighting whomever they encountered. Sharon knew that this operation, as dangerous as it was for the soldiers leading it, was the only way to turn the war around and prevent the worst nightmare the Jewish people had experienced since the Holocaust.

Eli did as he was commanded, though he knew that half his 100 man strike force would be killed, including maybe himself, as he was leading the charge. Eli survived, but he lost half his men.

The operation was successful. Bridges were laid across the canal, and the Israeli Defense Forces entered Egypt and surrounded the Egyptian 2nd Army thereby compelling the United States to force a ceasefire.

The ’73 War was a tragic experience for the Jewish state. Yet, it laid the groundwork for the cold peace with Egypt that came out of the Camp David Accords in 1978.

Sharon also led Israel into the disastrous 1982 Lebanon War. He was the architect of Israel’s massive settlement policies in the West Bank. And he waged a relentless war against Yassir Arafat during the 2nd Intifada. Many Palestinians believe that Sharon was even responsible for the poisoning of Arafat.

It used to be said in Israel that when Syria’s President Hafez El Assad (the current President’s father) looked into a mirror each morning he would see the image of Ariel Sharon looking back at him. Sharon was at once the leader of a state, a military hawk, and a tribal chieftain who with paternal love embraced his people, but with ice in his veins would pursue any enemy threatening his people and the State of Israel.

The Arabs hated him and called him “the Butcher of Beirut” (though it was the Phalangist Christians who slaughtered over 900 innocent Palestinians in the Sabra and Shatila refugee camps, not Israel).

Israelis trusted Sharon’s strength and resolve, his political savvy and cunning, and his courage even if they disagreed with him and his politics. When he became Prime Minister, some of my leftist Israeli friends confessed that they were glad that Sharon was the leader of the state of Israel, that only he had the character, credibility and guts to lead the state to peace.

Sharon understood the snake pit that was the Gaza Strip for Israelis, and that Israel had to disengage which he did unilaterally. He could have done so in conjunction with Mahmud Abbas and Fatah, thus giving them the credit and preventing (perhaps) the take-over of Gaza by Hamas, but he did not.

Sharon also came to recognize, as Yitzhak Rabin did before him, as Ehud Olmert did after him, and hopefully Bibi Netanyahu will going forward, that a two states for two peoples solution to the Israel-Palestinian conflict is the only way to preserve Israel’s democracy, Jewish majority, security, and international standing.

Had Sharon not suffered the stroke, it is possible that a two-state solution would already have emerged. We will never know.

Ariel Sharon will go down in Jewish history, and deservedly so, as one of Israel’s greatest leaders. We may never see another leader like him.

Zichrono livracha – May his memory be a blessing.

Before and After Sinai – A Poem/Drash for B’shalach

10 Friday Jan 2014

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Almighty One: / Was not Moses Your most intimate friend / With whom you spoke face to face / Who You sent to confront Pharaoh / To diminish his name / That Yours might be established / As The Creator and Redeemer of heaven and earth?

Was not Moses Your most cherished shepherd / Who stood strong before the despot / Spoke with broken and heavy speech / Words You placed in his mouth?

Was not Moses Your voice, / And extended hand, / And fingers touching / Water, earth, wind, / And fire, / The all of the all / And beyond?

This friend, shepherd, and prophet / Tended Your people / Through salt-water walls, / Mud and muck / To birth them / And lead them / To You on the mountain / To be Your treasured and cherished people.

But You used Moses / And worked against him / By stiffening Pharaoh’s heart / To demonstrate Your power.

He was Your proxy / And it was You / Who polluted the waters, / And destroyed the crops, / And killed the cattle, / And the first-born.

Moses deserved better / For all he did / On Your behalf / For the sake of Your Name / Than to die alone / And forsaken / In a wilderness grave?

Yes – We can understand / That justice needed a strong fist / Against Pharaoh’s tyranny. / Small minds needed to cower / Before the shock and awe of Your power.

Yes – We can understand  / That You did what You had to do / And used Your prophet / As a means to a greater end.

Before Sinai You commanded Moses / To take his stick and hit a rock / When the people complained of thirst – / And he did as You told him to do.

Moses brought them to You at Sinai / To see Your clouds of fire, / And he taught that in place of the fist / Words are stronger / The spirit sharper than swords / And all must live peacefully / Under their vines and their fig trees / With none to terrorize them.

That was Your dream / Carried by Your prophets / And Moses was the most beloved of all.

Yet, after Sinai / Little changed in the human heart. / Your people are still small-minded / And constricted by need and jealousy / Anger and hate. / They were not ready to live by Your Word alone; / And as the days passed, / And the years rolled by,

Miriam died, / And her waters dried too / And the people complained again / Having forgotten Your dream / And the shock and awe of You.

Now Moses became old / And he lost patience / For the bickering and complaining.

He had restrained You once / At the Golden Calf – / Or have You forgotten? / You sought the destruction of the world / But Moses stayed Your Hand / Quelled Your rage / Because he cared more / About the innocent among his people / Than honoring You.

After Sinai You commanded Moses / To speak – this time – to the rock / That water would flow / And quench their thirst; / But he took the stick / And beat the rock / As he had done before.

This time You punished him / And took from him his cherished dream / To glimpse the Promised Land.

He did everything you asked of him, / Except this once. / In spite You made him die alone / Amid bare thorns and weeds / Without the angels knowing / The Place from which his soul left him.

Moses disappointed You / As we have disappointed You / As You have disappointed us!

 

 

 

 

“Jaw jaw is better than war war!” – Sir Winston Churchill and the Iran Sanctions Bill

09 Thursday Jan 2014

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Most Israelis, Americans and international observers recognize that Iran’s nuclear weapons program is an existential threat to Israel and the western world. The question is what to do and not do in the midst of current negotiations between Iran and P5 +1?

I believe we should NOT support S. 1881 – The Menendez-Kirk Iran Sanctions Bill which would impose new stringent sanctions on Iran and entities that do business with it if Iran fails to meet certain conditions in current negotiations over its nuclear program.

J Street, a pro-Israel and pro-peace American political organization, supports the Obama Administration’s current strategy in negotiations, as do I. What follows is J Street’s arguments explaining why S.1881 would either encourage a nuclear armed Iran, war or both.

The following is excerpted from a J Street memo.

“President Obama’s administration, the US intelligence community and numerous security experts believe that enactment of this bill would likely derail current negotiations, foreclosing the possibility of a diplomatic resolution to concerns over Iran’s nuclear program. The legislation of new sanctions would be seen by Iran and some of our P5+1 partners as a bad-faith act violating the spirit of the first –step understandings agreed in November, and empower Iranian hardliners seeking to undermine President Rouhani, restricting his ability to agree to necessary concessions.

If it led to the collapse of talks, enactment of the bill would also ensure that the international community placed the blame for such failure squarely on the United States, leading to the likely defection of several of Iran’s large trading partners (i.e. China, Russia, India) from the US-led multilateral sanctions regime. In other words, the bill could result in significantly REDUCED economic pressure on Iran.

The bill places an essentially impossible condition on any final agreement: that Iran abandon all uranium enrichment, even for verifiably civilian purposes at levels far below weapons-grade. Conditioning the avoidance of new sanctions— not to mention relief from existing sanctions– on this outcome would also cause the likely collapse of negotiations, as Iran is extremely unlikely to agree to such terms.

The failure of diplomacy makes a nuclear-armed Iran or military engagement with Iran (or both) much more likely, which would threaten US and Israeli security, and frustrate the United States’ ability to advance the critical Israeli-Palestinian talks now underway.

Thirty-four Senators need to vote “No” in order to ensure that there is override-proof support for President Obama on this. He has promised to veto any bill of this kind that passes through Congress because:

[1] It sets an essentially impossible condition for a final deal, namely that Iran renounce even a peaceful nuclear program with intrusive international inspection.

[2] Its passage would be very likely to immediately derail the current diplomatic process.

[3] Enacting a bill that all but ensures the collapse of talks would likely lead other countries to break from the US-lead multilateral sanctions effort, and significantly REDUCE economic pressure on Iran.

Legislating sanctions now is an unnecessary risk, especially given that there is no question that Congress would be ready to pass new sanctions immediately should Iran violate the “first step” agreement or fail to come to terms on a permanent agreement.

I ask you to contact your senators and express your opposition to S. 1881.

Senators who have not taken a position on the bill (39):

Tammy Baldwin (D-WI)

Max Baucus (D-MT)

Michael Bennett (D-CO)

Sherrod Brown (D-OH)

Richard Burr (R-NC)

Maria Cantwell (D-WA)

Thad Cochran (R-MS)

Michael Crapo (R-ID)

Dick Durbin (D-IL)

Jeff Flake (R-AZ)

Al Franken (D-MN)

Martin Heinrich (D-NM)

Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND)

Dean Heller (D-NV)

Mazie Hirono (D-HI)

Tim Kaine (D-VA)

Angus King (D-ME)

Amy Klobuchar (D-MN)

Ed Markey (D-MA)

Claire McCaskill (D-MO)

Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Jeff Merkley (D-OR)

Chris Murphy (D-CT)

Patty Murray (D-WA)

Bill Nelson (D-FL)

Rand Paul (R-KY)

Jack Reed (D-RI)

Harry Reid (D-NV)

Bernie Sanders (D-VT)

Brian Schatz (D-HI)

Jeff Sessions (R-AL)

Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)

Richard Shelby (R-AL)

Debbie Stabenow (D-MI)

Jon Tester (D-MT)

Mark Udall (D-CO)

Tom Udall (D-NM)

Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)

Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI)

 

Senators who wrote to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in opposition to moving such a bill (10):

Barbara Boxer (D-CA)

Tom Carper (D-DE)

Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)

Tom Harkin (D-IA)


Tim Johnson (D-SD)


Patrick Leahy (D-VT)


Carl Levin (D-MI)


Barbara Mikulski (D-MD)


John Rockefeller (D-WV)


Ron Wyden (D-OR)

 

Cosponsors of the Bill (51):

Lamar Alexander (R-TN)

Kelley Ayotte (R-NH)

John Barrasso (R-WY)

Mark Begich (D-AK)

Richard Blumenthal (D-CT)

Roy Blunt (R-MO)

Cory Booker (D-NJ)

John Boozman (R-AR)

Ben Cardin (D-MD)
Bob Casey (D-PA)

Saxby Chambliss (R-GA)

Dan Coats (R-IN)

Tom Coburn (R-OK)

Susan Collins (R-ME)

Chris Coons (D-DE)

Bob Corker (R-TN)

John Cornyn (R-TX)

Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Joe Donnelly (D-IN)

Michael Enzi (R-WY)

Deb Fischer (R-NE)

Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)

Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

Charles Grassley (R-IA)

Kay Hagan (D-NC)

Orrin Hatch (R-UT)

John Hoeven (R-ND)

Jim Inhofe (R-OK)

Johnny Isakson (R-GA)

Mike Johanns (R-NE)

Ron Johnson (R-WI)

Mark Kirk (R-IL)

Mary Landrieu (D-LA)

Mike Lee (R-UT)

Joe Manchin (D-WV)

John McCain (R-AZ)

Robert Menendez (D-NJ)

Jerry Moran (R-KS)

Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)

Rob Portman (R-OH)

Mark Pryor (D-AR)

James Risch (R-ID)

Pat Roberts (R-KS)

Marco Rubio (R-FL)

Chuck Schumer (D-NY)

Tim Scott (R-SC)

John Thune (R-SD)

Pat Toomey (R-PA)

David Vitter (R-LA)

Mark Warner (D-VA)

Roger Wicker (R-MS)

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

The Ethics and Politics of Street Tzedakah – Part II

08 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Social Justice, Uncategorized

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When I lived in Berkeley in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, walking along Telegraph Avenue could be expensive if you gave to every panhandler who asked for spare change. Not that much has changed in all these years. The number of people asking for hand-outs is at least as great as it was, and perhaps more so. Given the nagging high national unemployment rate of 7% and the large numbers of long-term unemployed who have been unable to find work, the high number of under-employed, the historically low minimum wage, the federal cuts to food stamps for the working poor, and the threat that Congress will not extend unemployment insurance, it is no surprise that people asking for help on the street is so ever-present.

What to do? Democrats in Congress who believe that the federal government should extend a helping hand, especially in difficult times, are slogging it out with a recalcitrant hard-hearted extremist Republican party that cares little for “the least among these” (Matthew 25:40) despite their own Christian faith claims.

What about us? Do we give to the people on the street? Something to everyone, nothing to anyone, sporadically when we feel like it?

I confess that over the years I have been alternately generous and tight-fisted. Sometimes I open my wallet, but more often I walk by without responding, always feeling guilty when I do.

A week ago, my friend Letty Cottin Pogrebin sent me a link to an Op-ed she had just written for Moment Magazine called “The Politics and Ethics of Street Tzedakah” (http://www.momentmag.com/opinion-politics-ethics-street-tzedakah/). After reading it I felt especially ashamed of myself.

I decided, both for the sake of the person asking for help and for myself, that henceforth I would give to everyone asking me for assistance. This week, so far, I have given to five individuals, a dollar per person, not very much in the grand scheme of things (perhaps $250-300 annually). The pay-off, however, is great in human terms. The opportunity to connect heart to heart and soul to soul with a stranger in need is a benefit for both him/her and me.

In each of the five cases this week, the recipient responded gratefully: “Thank you brother!” “God bless you!” “Have a great day!” They felt seen and respected. I felt I did the right thing. It was, in a limited way, a win-win though my dollar gift did little to solve the great socio-economic problems in our country.

None of those who panhandle wish to be doing so. One young man walking through traffic was holding a sign that read, “This is humiliating to me, but I am hungry. Please help!”

To those who say skeptically that these people are scamming us, that they can do better standing at a busy intersection than by actually getting a job, I ask only that you put yourselves in their place and reflect on what it would have taken for someone to do what they are doing.

Regarding giving when we legitimately suspect fraud, Rabbi Chayim of Sanz (1793-1876) said:

“The merit of tzedakah is so great that I am happy to give to 100 beggars even if only one might actually be needy. Some people, however, act as if they are exempt from giving charity to 100 beggars in the event that one might be a fraud.” (Darkai Chaim, publ. 1962, p. 137)

Maimonides reminds us that “One must never turn a poor person away empty-handed, even if you give him a dry fig.” (Mishneh Torah, “Gifts to the Poor” 7:7)

The obligation to give tzedakah includes everyone without exception, even the poor who receive from community funds and individual handouts (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 248:1). When the poor gives, they realize that there are others worse off than themselves.

According to surveys, the American Jewish community is the most generous community in the country per capita. I am proud that our people give to all kinds of worthy causes, to alleviate suffering here and around the world, to the people and state of Israel, to local, national and international Jewish causes, to synagogues and food pantries, homeless programs, and refugee organizations, to universities, hospitals, art museums, and symphony orchestras. We write checks because we know that Judaism requires it, because we know the heart of the stranger, the poor and oppressed, and in the interest of tikun olam.

But how often do we give when we meet strangers on the street?

I have decided that I am no longer walking by without giving. My personal pledge is to carry one dollar bills at all times, and to give them whenever asked, not just for the sake of the other, but for my own sake as well.

Diplomacy – Quotes to Consider in Dangerous Times

05 Sunday Jan 2014

Posted by in Ethics, Israel and Palestine, Quote of the Day, Uncategorized

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As Secretary of State John Kerry, along with able diplomats such as US Middle East negotiator Martin Indyk, wade into the waters of Middle East diplomacy, I thought the following quotes are enlightening.

“Negotiation in the classic diplomatic sense assumes parties are more anxious to agree than to disagree.” -Secretary of State Dean Acheson (1893-1971)

 “You cannot negotiate with people who say what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is negotiable.” -President John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

 “Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.” Mario Puzo, The Godfather (1920-1999)

“Hating clouds the mind. It gets in the way of strategy. Leaders cannot afford to hate.” -Bill Keller, Journalist (b. 1949)

“To jaw-jaw is always better than to war–war.” -Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“Diplomacy: the art of restraining power.”  -Secretary of State Henry A. Kissinger (b. 1923)

“Diplomacy is the art of telling people to go to hell in such a way that they ask for directions.” -Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“All war represents a failure of diplomacy.” -Anthony Neil Wedgwood “Tony” Benn, British MP and Cabinet Minister (b. 1925)

“Diplomacy is, perhaps, one element of the U.S. government that should not be subject to the demands of ‘open government’; whenever it works, it is usually because it is done behind closed doors. But this may be increasingly had to achieve in the age of Twittering bureaucrats.” -Evgeny Morozov, Russian-American writer (b. 1984)

“Force is all conquering, but its victories are short-lived.” -President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

“Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.” -President John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

“Certainly the international community is putting a lot of pressure on Iran and making clear that its nuclear program must stop. If it stops with the sanctions, the combinations of sanctions, diplomacy, other pressures, I, as the prime minister of Israel, will be the happiest person in the world.” -Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (b. 1949)

Amen!

Netanyahu’s Moment of Truth

02 Thursday Jan 2014

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Ari Shavit is among the most intelligent, fair-minded, and visionary of Israeli political commentators, and his piece in Haaretz (“Netanyahu’s Moment of Truth” – January 1, 2014) articulates as well as anyone could the challenge before Israel, before Israel’s Prime Minister, and before the Israeli government as Secretary Kerry presents a document to the Israelis and Palestinians this week that will include the recognition of a “Jewish state” within the 1967 borders with adjustments.

Shavit says that if Netanyanu and Abbas accept the principles of this document, this would be a Zionist victory and it would begin a restoration process that leads hopefully to a final two-states for two peoples end-of-conflict agreement, but also to an unprecedented international acceptance of Israel among the family of nations thus ending its growing pariah status.

The Prime Minister can take enormous credit for making the Iranian nuclear issue, the most important existential challenge to the existence of the state of Israel since the 1973 Yom Kippur War, front and center on the international agenda. His clarity and dogged determination to pressure the United States and the European powers to make Iran’s nuclear weapons program the most important and consequential foreign policy issue in the Middle East (indeed the world) is to be commended. The Jewish people owes him a profound debt of gratitude even before a real deal is signed between the West and Iran.

But, Israel has two central foreign policy challenges – the first is without doubt Iran’s nuclear weapons program; the second is the achievement of a two-state solution – Both will determine the future security, viability and democracy of the Jewish state of Israel.

PM Netanyahu has wanted to be regarded as the Israeli Winston Churchill. This is his opportunity to be so regarded. I pray that he takes it and rises to be the world-class diplomat par excellence that Israel, the Jewish people and the western world badly need him to be.

Read Ari Shavit’s column – http://www.haaretz.com/opinion/.premium-1.566539

Helping Families Have the Most Difficult Conversation

31 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Life Cycle, Uncategorized

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Over the weekend I listened to a moving interview on NPR by Linda Wertheimer of former Boston Globe columnist Ellen Goodman concerning a project that Ms. Goodman helped to establish to encourage adult children and their parents to talk openly about the most difficult and challenging of life’s transitions at the end of life. It is called “The Conversation Project.” Its home page says that

“It’s time to transform our culture so we shift from not talking about dying to talking about it. It’s time to share the way we want to live at the end of our lives. And it’s time to communicate about the kind of care we want and don’t want for ourselves.”  [See: http://theconversationproject.org/about/]

Most people, Ellen Goodman says, have not had that conversation and therefore are unprepared for the inevitable, though most elderly parents have clear ideas about what they want at the end of their lives. They don’t share their wishes with their children, however, because they fear burdening and worrying them, and adult children don’t raise the matter with their parents because they fear upsetting them.

Goodman notes that as unsettling an experience as a parent’s death is, surveys indicate that when conversations about it take place there results less depression, less sorrow, less guilt, and less regret felt by everyone. The conversation can be among the richest and most intimate that we ever have together.

When there is no conversation, however, children often feel lonely and uncertain about what to do when their parents die because they do not know what their parents would have wanted. If adult children, in trepidation, fear and/or denial avoid the inevitable and suppress conversation when their parents want to talk, their parents feel cut off and likely never will have the opportunity to make known what they really want to their children.

The Conversation Project has conducted surveys showing a substantial gap between what people want and what they have shared with those closest to them:

  • 90% know it is important to have these conversations, but only 30% are having them;
  • 60% say that it is “extremely important” that families not be burdened by tough decisions, but 56% have not communicated their end-of-life wishes;
  • 70% say they prefer to die at home, but 70% actually die in a hospital, nursing home or long-term care facility;
  • 82% believe it is important to put their wishes in writing, but only 23% have done so.

The Conversation Project’s “Starter-Kit” offers a workbook of questions that needs to be clarified and shared, and acknowledges how difficult it is for many people to know how to begin the conversation. The Project organizers suggest starting by completing this sentence: “What matters to me at the end of life is…..”

They offer other questions for parents to ask themselves and then share with their children for discussion:  

  • What is most important to me?
  • What can I not imagine living without?
  • What are my greatest worries at the end of my life?
  • Who do I trust to talk to about my desires and wishes?
  • What milestones do I want to meet before I die?
  • What do I want to know about my health?
  • What do I want my loved ones to know about my health?
  • How aggressive should the treatment be in the last stages of my life?
  • Who do I want involved in my end-of-life care?
  • What do I want my loved ones, doctors/nurses and clergy to understand about my wishes?
  • Do I wish to be alone or surrounded by my loved ones when I die?
  • What do I want my loved ones to do when I die?
  • What affairs do I need to get in order now?
  • Do I have a will/trust set up and an Advanced Directive (AD), Health Care Proxy (HCP) and Living Will in place?

The Conversation Project is a gentle, thoughtful and loving prod to help open the hearts, minds and souls of parents and children to each other as the end of life approaches.

See Wertheimer’s and Goodman’s NPR conversation here:  http://www.npr.org/2013/12/28/257822206/helping-families-have-the-most-difficult-conversation

To assist Jews in thinking about Judaism’s traditions concerning terminal illness, death, funerals, burial, and mourning, I have written a 45-page life-cycle guide called “Preparing for Jewish Burial and Mourning”  in an easy-to-use format that addresses most of the questions Jews concerning end-of-life matters, as well as a practical step-by-step guide to prepare for it. See: http://www.tioh.org/images/Worship/ClergyStudy/preparing%20for%20jewish%20burial%20and%20mourning.pdf or http://hillsidememorial.org/images/Jewish-Lifecycle-Guide.pdf.

Don’t put off thinking about these matters, putting your wishes in writing, and discussing them forthrightly with the people you love the most. The time is now.

Getting to 100 – What Makes for a Long and Healthy life?

27 Friday Dec 2013

Posted by in American Politics and Life, Ethics, Health and Well-Being, Life Cycle, Uncategorized

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“Eat boiled corn with codfish and cream, and laugh…”

“Smoke a good cigar, avoid alcohol, drink water, stay positive, and sing.”

“Thumb your nose at sadness, turn the tables on tragedy, laugh instead of getting angry, and don’t feel envious of anyone.”

“Find a good wife and drink two scotches every night.”

“Fight injustice, help people in trouble and keep your mind active.”

“Do something new each day, avoid drama and stay far away from difficult people.”

“Mind your own business, don’t eat junk food, treat others well, and work hard at what you love.”

“Live for God, pray and surround yourself with nice people.”

These are ten responses given by people who have lived more than 100 years to the question – “Why have you lived so long?”

I’ve thought about the fact of longevity, especially this week, because I visited a house of mourning for a 39 year-old man whose life was cut way too short by cancer, and two days later I officiated at the funeral of a venerable 102 year-old woman who had it all.

Common wisdom says that if we eat well, exercise and manage stress; if we maintain our social connections and faith, then we’ll live long and happily!

Of course, this isn’t always the case. Some of us are more prone to disease and accident than others no matter how healthy we try and live.

Researchers say that genetic factors offer only part of the explanation for why we live longer or shorter amounts of time, but there’s much more to it. It’s now clear that there are many behavioral factors contributing to a person’s longevity including health and health behaviors, gender, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status, stress, social and environmental support, mental health, and life satisfaction.

Perhaps the most important study on longevity is “The Longevity Project” written by psychology professors Howard Friedman and Leslie Martin of UC Riverside, who culminate an eight-decade long study begun in 1921 of 1500 precocious children by Stanford University psychologist Lewis Terman. Terman died in 1956 so future researchers picked up where he left off, including Drs. Friedman and Martin.

The 1500 children were followed in meticulous detail throughout their lives. In studying them Friedman and Martin conclude that

“The best childhood predictor of longevity [is] conscientiousness—the qualities of a prudent, persistent, well-organized person—somewhat obsessive and not at all carefree….It’s not the happy-go-lucky who thrive—it’s the prudent and persistent who flourish through the years.”

They offer three possible reasons for this. First,

“…conscientious people do more … to protect their health and engage in fewer [risky] activities …. are less likely to smoke or drive too fast. They buckle their seat belts and follow the doctor’s advice…They are not necessarily risk averse but they tend to be sensible in evaluating how far to push the envelope.” 

Second, some of us are

“…biologically predisposed to be …more conscientious and healthier ….less prone to develop certain diseases, … these people have different levels of the chemical…serotonin in their brains [serotonin helps to determine happiness and well-being]…Individuals with low levels of serotonin tend to be much more impulsive…” and they eat more and sleep less.

And third,

“Having a conscientious personality leads a person into healthier situations and relationships… happier marriages, better friendships and healthier work situations.”

This study showed that kids described as cheerful and optimistic did not live as long as those boring and serious kids who worried constantly about school, studied and worked hard.

The one factor that best predicted long life, even more than happiness itself, is purposeful goal-oriented work, whether for a paycheck or for its own sake. People who are drawn to live their lives, however, with other like-minded, healthy, active and involved people significantly increase the odds of their living longer and more happily.

And so, what does our tradition have to offer about what makes for a long and good life?

The Book of Proverbs instructs us to behave moderately in all things, to seek the middle path, to acquire knowledge and understanding in the ways of the world, and to seek higher wisdom. We’re called upon to build stable communities that care for all its citizens, to act with dignity, integrity, honesty, generosity, and kindness, to respect the wisdom given us by the generations, to heal ourselves and repair the world, and to walk humbly before God.

Judaism teaches that it’s not the number of days or years that we live, it’s the quality of those days that matters.

I pray that each of us will be blessed not only with length of years, but also with the knowledge that we lived ethically and compassionately having contributed to making our world a better, more compassionate and just place. Amen!

Express Your Gratitude to 25 American Universities for Protesting ASA Boycott of Israeli Universities

24 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by in American Jewish Life, American Politics and Life, Ethics, Israel/Zionism, Jewish History, Uncategorized

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My friend and colleague, Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin, has written an appeal for us to perform an important mitzvah: hakarat ha-tov – “recognizing the good” by thanking the Presidents and Chancellors of 25 American colleges and universities that have refused to join the boycott of Israeli universities called by the American Studies Association (ASA).

Not only have these academic leaders refused to join the ASA boycott, but many have made strongly worded public statements condemning the Association’s bigoted assault not only on the integrity of Israel’s institutions of higher learning, but on the State of Israel itself.

Israel is a great democracy, and as all great democracies it has its share of imperfections. However, for the ASA to single out Israel when truly grievous human rights abuses are occurring in countries all over the world that make Israel’s imperfections pale by comparison raises serious questions not only about the fairness of the supporters of the ASA anti-Israel boycott, but also about their deeper motives, their anti-Jewish and anti-Israel animus, and their personal integrity.

Rabbi Salkin has provided us the names, email addresses, and mailing addresses of the leadership of these 25 institutions. He says

“… it is not enough to scream gevalt when we have been wounded. We also have to scream ‘thank you’ to those who are our friends, to those who stood up for truth, to those who have refused to have their educational institutions seduced by all too common siren song of anti-Israelism. We need to thank those institutions, especially if we are alumni of them, and/or our children or grandchildren attend them.”

Here is the letter that I wrote and sent this morning, in answer to Jeff’s call, to each of the twenty-five university and college presidents and chancellors. I urge you to follow suit and fill their mailboxes with our individual and collective love and gratitude. Feel free to use my letter as is, or change it, or write your own; but write to let them know that their courage and commitment to truth and decency has not gone unnoticed nor unappreciated.

Dear President/Chancellor:

I want to add my voice to the voices of countless fair-minded people in expressing my deepest gratitude to you and your university for your commitment to truth, intellectual honesty and independent inquiry, to common decency and fairness, and to your courage and generosity of spirit in standing up to and protesting the American Studies Association (ASA) boycott of the State of Israel’s academic institutions.

What you have done preserves the dignity and integrity not only of Israel’s institutions of higher learning, but of your own.

I am grateful beyond words.

Sincerely,

Rabbi John L. Rosove

Senior Rabbi – Temple Israel of Hollywood, Los Angeles, CA

Boston University. Dr. Robert A. Brown, President. John and Kathryn Silber
Administrative Center, 1 Silber Way (8th Floor), Boston, MA. 02215.
president@bu.edu

Brandeis University. Fred Laurence, President. Office of the President,
Irving Enclave 113, MS 100, 415 South Street, Waltham, MA 02453

Brown University. Christina Paxson, President. Office of the President,
Brown University, Box 1860, 1 Prospect Street, Providence, RI 02912

Cornell University. David J. Skorton, President. Office of the President,
300 Day Hall, Cornell University, Ithaca, NY 14853. president@cornell.edu

Dickinson College. Nancy A. Roseman, President. Dickinson College, Post
Office Box 1773 , Carlisle, PA 17013. presofc@dickinson.edu

Duke University. Richard A. Brodhead, President. Office of the President,
Duke University, 207 Allen Building, Box 90001, Durham, NC 27708-0001.
president@duke.edu

George Washington University. Steven Knapp, President. Rice Hall, 2121 I
Street, NW, Suite 801, Washington, DC 20052

Harvard University. Dr. Drew Faust, President. Office of the President,
Harvard University, Massachusetts Hall, Cambridge, MA 02138
president@harvard.edu

Indiana University. Michael A. McRobbie, President. Office of the
President, Indiana University, Bryan Hall 200, 107 S. Indiana Ave.,
Bloomington, IN 47405

Michigan State University. Lou Anna K. Simon, President. Office of the
President, Michigan State University, 426 Auditorium Road, Hannah
Administration Building, Room 450, East Lansing, MI 48824-1046.
presmail@msu.edu

New York University. John Sexton, President. Office of the President, New
York University, 70 Washington Square South, New York, NY 10012
john.sexton@nyu.edu

Northwestern University. Morton Shapiro, President. 2-130 Rebecca Crown
Center, 633 Clark Street, Evanston, Illinois 60208.
nu-president@northwestern.edu

Princeton University. Christopher L. Eisgruber, President. Office of the
President, 1 Nassau Hall, Princeton University, Princeton, NJ 08544

Tulane University. Scott S. Cowen, President. Tulane University, 218 Gibson
Hall, 6823 St. Charles Avenue, New Orleans, LA 70118-5684

University of California-Irvine. Michael V. Drake, MD, Chancellor.
University of California, Irvine, Irvine, CA 92697 chancellor@uci.edu

University of California-San Diego. Praddep K. Khosia, chancellor-elect.
Office of the Chancellor, University of California, San Diego, 9500 Gilman
Drive # 0005, La Jolla, California 92093-0005. chancellor@ucsd.edu

University of Kansas. Bernadette Gray-Little, Chancellor. Chancellor’s
Office, University of Kansas, 230 Strong Hall, Lawrence, KS 66045-7518.
chancellor@ku.edu

University of Maryland. Wallace D. Loh, President. University of Maryland,
1101 Main Administration Building, College Park, MD 20742-6105
president@umd.edu

University of Pennsylvania. Amy Gutmann, President. Office of the President,
University of Pennsylvania, 1 College Hall, Room 100, Philadelphia, PA
19104-6380. presweb@pobox.upenn.edu

University of Pittsburgh. Mark Nordenberg, Chancellor. University of
Pittsburgh , 107 Cathedral of Learning, Pittsburgh, PA 15260

University of Texas-Austin. William Powers, Jr., President. Office of the
President, 110 Inner Campus Drive, Stop G3400, Austin, TX. 78712-3400

Washington University in St. Louis. Mark Stephen Wrighton, Chancellor.
Campus Box 1192, One Brookings Drive , St. Louis, MO 63130
wrighton@wustl.edu

Wesleyan University. Michael S. Roth, President. 229 High Street,
Middletown, CT. 06459. presoffice@wesleyan.edu

Willamette University. Stephen E. Thorsett, President. 900 State Street,
Salem, Oregon 97301 president@willamette.edu

Yale University. Peter Salovey, President. President’s Office , Yale
University PO Box 208229 , New Haven, CT 06520-8229
presidents.office@yale.edu